Scared to put 18 month old into nursery

[Millermillermiller232323]

I’m a single mum and I really am wanting to go back to work, my family are not supportive of this.
I am going to look at a nursery on Friday and will find out more then about the nursery and see if it’s right for my little one.

then I plan to start looking for agencies for work.

I am just worried about putting her into nursery 4 days a week from nothing!

is this selfish to want to work?

I may be slightly worse off but I need to do something and I think my confidence will
improve from working but I don’t want it to impact my little one in a negative way

Absolutely nothing wrong with this at all! Go ahead!

Also not sure who your family think is going to pay into your pension?

Millions of people send their toddlers to nursery. Mine really thrived in nursery and loved all the activities and big toys that most of us could never provide at home.

We are trying to settle our 22 month as think it will give him a lovely interesting morning and new friends. I opted for two mornings initially to go gently but do wonder if more would help faster settling or not as don't think there's a right or wrong.
One of our older DC never settled and we stopped but on the whole I think a good and happy nursery is a positive for the child and I would feel this even more as a single parent to have more people to interact with

I actually think it's better for a DC to go 4 or 5 days because they get used to it quicker. DC that only go once a week forget and then the feeling upset lingers on. There will be lots for DC to do and play with and they will get a key worker who they will quickly settle with.

Both by kids enjoy/ed nursery. My son is now in full time school my daughter is 3 & is in a private nursery & 2.5 hours in school. They were both there from the age of 10 months. They get entertained everyday, make friends (both mine talk about friends when they got to 2/3 years old) & have no bother going in.
It’s absolutely not being selfish wanting to go back to work. I was full time working for 12 years before having kids in a career I’d gone to uni/achieved professional qualifications for I wasn’t just going to jack that in to be a SAHM. For me being a SAHM would have drived me crazy I needed to go back to work for sanity & to feel like me again.
Go for it OP!

Some nursery's won't give you a place if you dont have a job.

Of course not! You're setting a great example to your child, providing them with a roof above their head, plus they'll likely benefit from the socialisation at nursery.
Mine went from 5.5 months full time but I grew up in a (western european) country where 12 weeks mat leave is the normal, as well as highly subsided childcare so virtually all babies are in nursery from 3 months onwards and they're fine.

Of course it’s not selfish, and on a practical note, how will you survive financially if you don’t work? Not to mention pension contributions etc
I’m sure she’ll thrive in nursery!

Honestly, I cried so hard when I left my little one in nursery at 11 months. However, it was the BEST decision ever, she learnt 101 new skills. The nursery really nurture development and creativity more than I would ever have the capacity to do at home. She gets messy play and forest school and it’s fab. She is an only child but can share, knows empathy and is so caring! I get adult time too and honestly your bond only grows stronger whilst you navigate work and mum life! Every family unit is different but if it feels right for you , 199% do it!

I’m in the same boat. In our area daycare are awful, so the decision to stay home has been smart but I am starting to pull my hair out as I really do need a break. Love LO to pieces, but man it’s hard work 😅 I also think she’s at the age where interaction with other kids would be good. She’s also 18mons. You’re not a bad mother! Lucky her that she had you this long, OP.

your child will be fine. May be upset going in at first but they soon settle. It’s not selfish wanting something for yourself. Your family should be supportive but if they’re not don’t let them talk you out of it. It’s your baby your decision.

Heck no OP - you're not selfish at all. DO IT! Get back out there and get your identity back. Stimulate your brain and use your skills! Sod what your family think, they are clueless - who do they think will bankroll you and your child for the rest of your life? Adult life sadly involves work.
GOOD LUCK

Yes! Go for it!!

You might get very mixed responses here, but mentally I found it refreshingly great to go back to work and talk to actual adults. It made me enjoy my time with my children more. To each their own, but mine were there from 6 and 3 months and have thrived. It is all about finding the nursery that fits your family, your hours, and that you feel comfortable with. Ask about ratios for teachers to children, teacher turnover, their holidays/hours, childrens activities etc. Good luck!

I think it’s great you are thinking of this forget the stigma your family are thinking. Also great for your child’s social skills. Only thing is sometimes nursery fees take a large chunk of the money you earn so sometimes not worth it. For me part time was worth it but if I did full time I’d come out with less than if I’d worked part time

You could also consider a childminder…. Mine took DD out every morning to different groups / visits them back for lunch and a nap. I don’t really understand the argument not to work - you’ve got to look
at the wider picture.

Not at all selfish. Something to be aware of tho is that nursery generally won’t take your child when sick so you need back up for that or be able to take time off to cover it and they tend to pick everything up when 1st there in particular. A childminder is also a good option and for me personally that’s what I would have gone with over a nursery then add preschool in when they’re around 3. I was a full time nanny before had my son and have never liked day nurseries very much but look at all options and find a place that you feel confident with and your little one will enjoy being with the other children

You are not selfish, being a parent is hard, even as a co parent it's the hardest thing I've ever done, so single parents are superheroes in my eyes.

There is no right or wrong answer as to how many days would be best or make for faster settling, it will all depend on the child.

My eldest started one morning a week just before he was 2, the first time I took him I think he just thought it was like the other play groups I took him to where I stayed and he walked in and didn't even look back, apparently he got a bit upset when he realised I wasn't there but was quickly consoled by playing with cars. The next week he knew the crack and had a quiver to his voice as he said goodbye to me, but didn't cry and the week after that he always ran in with no issues, after a year I increased it to two mornings, and once he got to 3years 3months and got the funding he goes 5 mornings a week and loves it. He was ready to go more by this point.

I was very fortunate to be able to work from home with flexible hours (early mornings and nap times) while he was still at home with me, I initially started nursery to get him time away from me as was a bit clingy due to being a covid lock down baby.

There is no right or wrong answer, your gut will tell you if it's the right place when you view it, and as you don't yet have a job to rely on childcare for, just see how it goes

my DS didn't start nursery till he was 2 and honestly it was rocky for a few weeks, but then once he settled in he started absolutely loving it! He gets to do and play with things not available at home, and has become much more confident around other children. He now pulls my hand to get into nursery as fast as possible and I'm lucky if I get a kiss goodbye

My twins didn't start until they were 2... like you I am a single Mum and work, and I wish I'd have sent them sooner! (Finances and availability of spaces meant I couldn't!) they love it, their development since spending time with other children has improved, sleep is better, and overall things just feel easier.
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Your family are being ridiculous, you're a lone parent, financial stability is priceless!

Both of mine have been at nursery FT from the baby room, it's been brilliant for both of them. Eldest is now at school with kids she's known for years, there's a whole community built around the nursery and it's lovely. Also, she's quite timid and shy by nature but she's also perfectly happy to walk into a group of unknown children at an activity or party and I think that's from socialising with others from such a young age. If she'd been home with me I think we'd be struggling to get her to try new things.

Nursery has been nothing but a positive for our family and you may well feel the same once you're all settled into your new routine (which might take a while so don't panic if it's hard on both of you at first).

More power to you!

If you're in the uk you can get some funding for 2 year olds if you earn below a certain amount.
I qualified for this and it was a life saver. I wouldn't have been able to work as a single mum.

Just a suggestion, you could start off with less hours with the agreement it would increase at X date.
My son started off just a couple hours which increased to a couple mornings which increased to a couple days.

I started mine at 19 months full time and felt bad about it too, people kept saying he’s so little. BUT, he started learning so many new things, words, actions and he loved showing them off when he got home! Also made litttle friends and got to play with loaddds of toys so I think it was great for him actually. My friends out theirs in from 3months and she’s now the most sociable little toddler you would ever meet.
don’t worry about it too much , you care and are clearly trying your best for your child

Absolutely right thing to do. There's something a bit isolating about being a stay at home parent not just for you but for baby. In the days before nurseries families were larger or parents took babies put to work so it's lonely being an only child at home, not to mention pressured.

Also great example to set for your kid.