First time posting so sorry if I’m doing this wrong…
I have two young children 4 & 6.
Their father was emotionally abusive and controlling after falling pregnant with my second son we were made homeless by him and lived in a refuge for a short duration as ex was so opposed to having the baby.
We lived apart for two years where I stupidly tried to keep a relationship for the sake of the children (silly I know) he saw the children as and when it suited him and was an overall toxic situation.
Two years ago ex ended the relationship and finally left which has been the biggest blessing in my life as I would never of had the courage to leave.
In the beginning he’d have the children every other weekend Saturday afternoon - Sunday afternoon and it seemed to be okay. Then the routine was changed as and when it suited ex and one time there was an incident where something happened to my eldest and he now refuses to go.
Ex and eldest haven’t had contact with each other for 18 months + now I have tried to encourage him to see his father but he says no. My younger son will see his dad but again it’s as and when ex wants it. He usually goes 4-5 weeks with no contact.
The inconsistency is having a negative effect on all of us. I’m writing this as I’m so anxious and stressed as this weekend they should be with their dad and I’ve heard nothing and I’m scared he’ll message and want to see them this afternoon and if I don’t accommodate that I’ll get a load of abuse.
He will pick and chose a time which could be a few hours Saturday or a few hours Sunday and I don’t know if they’re going, when they are going.
My eldest son is also autistic with ADHD and I have explained how we need consistency and routine to support him.
I have been threatened with courts, told that my children will be taken off me. Had vile threats and rude messages. I agreed to mediation despite it not being mandatory because of the previous history of abuse. I feel I’m being as fair as I can be. I do drop offs and collections. In the past I’ve sent updates on both children and begged for more stability and time with him for them and it falls on deaf ears.
Sorry for the long post I’m just at such a dead end and I can’t keep doing this each fortnight for the next however years.