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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Ex is late collecting our daughter.

7 replies

CT96 · 31/01/2024 23:27

Me and my ex split on the 4th December, he didn’t actually move out until New Year’s Day. He said he would see our daughter once throughout the week before he starts work at 4pm and every Sunday. So far he only commits to Sundays but it’s consistently late each time. 2 hours to be exact. I phone him when he is 15 mins late and my phone call is what gets him out of bed. he always says ‘I will be there soon’ and when I ask what soon is he just says soon. I am then met with a bunch of excuses such as he’s on anti depressants because out of our split, or that he’s not sleeping well, or that he was up late the night before. I told him he is dictating what I do with my time as the Sunday just gone I had to cancel meeting friends because I was waiting around for him. He then told me ‘I am not dictating your time at all so don’t throw that in my face’

I am scared of my ex, through a number of things that have happened in the past so any confrontation I have with him sets my anxiety off. He has agreed and told me he will be here 10am every Sunday from now on to collect our daughter.

do I have to wait around? How long should I leave it before I just leave with my daughter to start my day? He is absolutely renowned for being late, he is always late for work as he is literally incapable of getting out of bed. (He is 33).

OP posts:
SgtJuneAckland · 31/01/2024 23:28

I'd be out of the door by 10:30 and that's being generous

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/01/2024 23:28

30mins would be my maximum before I got on with my day as planned.

PutMyFootIn · 31/01/2024 23:29

30 minutes is more than generous

FlyingWithBabyLongHaul · 31/01/2024 23:30

What about if you took DC over to ex's house instead of waiting for him to go over to yours?

Lurkingandlearning · 31/01/2024 23:35

Agree with above. As you have reason to be scared of him, text him on Saturday to say you’re going out on Sunday at 10:30 so he needs to be there before then. And stick to it if he is late. Then put your phone on silent and enjoy your day

CT96 · 31/01/2024 23:45

Thank you everyone. I am sick of this & by the time he shows up I could have took my daughter to the park or something for some fresh air, I hate staying in! @FlyingWithBabyLongHaul so he lives at his mums and me and his mum are on very bad terms as she sent me nasty, personal malicious texts after our break up, so I don’t want to be met by her presence either, but I have thought about the idea of that

OP posts:
DPotter · 01/02/2024 00:01

Another saying - no you don't have to wait in all day. Frankly I wouldn't bother phoning him on the Sunday morning. If he said he'll be there at 10, give him until 10.30 and then go about your day. Don't make it a big thing with your DC - don't even mention the arrangement, especially if they are tiny. And promptly at 10.30 - be out the door to the park or where ever.

In future confirm timings by text or email and keep as a record if he ever bothers to go to court. You can then prove your agreed to access but he didn't show up.

Best to assume you're on your own when it comes to childcare - sad I know. I Hope he's paying maintenance - if not get that CMS claim in

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