Equal split offer

[theblackflash]

I'm needing some mothers perspectives on this as my lawyer is quite literally making me question my sanity. Extremely annoying as my ex husband was a gaslighting narcissist who also made me question my sanity, hence the reason I am gathering some outside perspectives.

I finally managed to break free from the marriage in August last year and since then child contact has been arranged through solicitors. He was trying for full custody ect because I am "mentally unwell". None of this is holding up and he has been refused the legal aid.

He is also supposedly disabled and does not work. U sure about the truth behind this physical disability as he goes ice skating, fishing, camping ect which I think would be highly risky for someone with back problems but that's really none of my business. As long as my boys are safe in his company he can carry on.

I do have fibromyalgia which impacts my life a lot but have learned how to cope, get by ect and basically manage life with the condition.

Due to my health and the fact that father does not work, I feel that shared responsibility is a good option. It gives us both equal weekend and weekday time and the boys will not miss out on quality time with one parent. This also helps give me time to really rest as I have been totally burnt out for years since they were small.

Now, my lawyer cannot understand why I want this and is highly encouraging me not to propose this arrangement. He says it is very difficult to come back from once it is in place. And I've to think it over. I've done nothing BUT think it over for the past 5 fucking months. Gave careful consideration to everything. Asked the boys how they feel; observed how they are after coming home ect. They currently go from Friday to Sunday.

I'm looking to see if others have this 50/50 arrangement or have had it and regretted it?!

[MoreHairyThanScary]

Do they go every Friday to Sunday? If so I can see why the lawyer is questioning it, you get all the day to day drudgery homework and tired kids teatimes and he gets the fun stuff.

I would be looking at a solution so you get equal weekend time.

[RandomMess]

I think Monday to Sunday alternate weeks would be good IF he will coparent properly and share the mental load.

[theblackflash]

No, the lawyer is questioning why I want to change it. Yes I have all the school run, homework, bed times and early rises ect and he gets all the weekend. It's extremely unfair. Alternate weekends will not work, that would mean they see their father for 4 days per month?!

[RMNofTikTok]

Honestly?

If you and your ex are in agreement, sack your solicitor, draw up a parenting plan on the cafcass website, and file for a consent order. I have 50/50 and it's fantastic. We do 2255 pattern so get alternate weekends and an equal split.

[Elfer13]

In my experience lawyers will encourage both parties to disagree about everything as they want to prolong the proceedings and obviously make more money out of you. At my final divorce hearing the judge basically told both barristers, at that stage, to get it sorted and stop milking these two people (his exact words).
It was then sorted within half an hour and has worked well ever since, we now both regret spending thousands when we could have agreed between ourselves but things get bitter, much of it stirred up by vulture lawyers.
If you are happy with the arrangements the court will confirm, they are your boys after all not the lawyers and you will both save for your futures and encourage a happy medium with your children.
Good luck.

[theblackflash]

Thankyou. This is what I'm thinking. They are my children so why is the lawyer questioning my judgement?! As much as I cannot stand their father, he wants involved in every aspect of their life, why should I deny that? What's 5522 how does that work?

[RMNofTikTok]

@theblackflash

Thankyou. This is what I'm thinking. They are my children so why is the lawyer questioning my judgement?! As much as I cannot stand their father, he wants involved in every aspect of their life, why should I deny that? What's 5522 how does that work?

DD has the following pattern

Parent 1 Monday - Wednesday
Parent 2 Wednesday - Friday
Parent 1 Friday to Wednesday
Parent 2 Wednesday - Monday

You can also use 223, which is better with younger children

Parent 1- Monday - Wednesday
Parent 2 Wednesday to Friday
Parent 1 Friday to Monday
Then the same pattern again starting with parent 2

Week on week off also gives you alternate weekends