Never felt more alone than I do right now

[Amber245]

Just had an emergency surgery to remove my appendix. I’m a single parent and the kids’ dad isn’t involved at all. Work friends juggled the kids and school runs for me when I was in hospital - obviously this is above and beyond and I’m eternally grateful. They’ve also taken the kids to school for me today as I can’t drive.

But not one of my family have been in touch. I’ve had no cards etc. Had a couple of texts from friends and obviously I’m grateful for those. But the whole thing has just made me realise how alone I am. I cried sorting the house, cried making dinner and cried everytime I made myself a cup of tea, everything bloody hurts, and I just keep thinking how different it would be if I wasn’t alone.

No point to this post. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself today. Wish there was someone here to share the load. And make me a cup
of tea.

Sorry to see this. What's going on with your family? Sometimes, as annoying as it is, we need to spell it out when we need help. I'd think most people would step up when needed if asked but can be thoughtless sadly. Don't be afraid to ask people. How old are your kids?

That is flipping difficult OP, forget sorting the house, order a takeaway if you can rather than cooking, McDonalds deliver these days - great that your work friends helped with the kids, are they big enough to learn how to make tea?

How scary for you. Try to take it easy, rest as much as you can. Having your appendix out isn’t nice and the pain before is awful. I’m sorry you don’t have family around to help out. Get better soon.

DD has tried to help but has ASD, so it’s kind of unpredictable help. This evening hasn’t worked out well/post-school burnout I guess. The others are primary age and a year 7. Family - far away and unable to get here due to their own commitments/illness etc. I’ve put on people
so much already that I feel uncomfortable asking for more help (had a heart attack 2 years ago and 10 day spell in hospital that time and again, work friends had to step in).

They’ve sent me home with morphine which was helping, but had to stop taking as was making me too sleepy! Couldn’t keep my eyes open yesterday. But the pain is making everything much harder and making me irritable. This is so not how I wanted to start 2024…

Try and make things as easy as you can for yourself for the next few days OP, if DD can get the younger kids up, some cereal and keep an eye on them getting dressed whilst you save your energy in the morning great, if they have to get themselves jam sandwiches for tea then fine - it won't hurt for a day or two, in fact they'll probably see it as a treat and forget tackling any kind of housework. Get well soon :-)

Thank you. This is kind of what I did yesterday. I have a feeling they ate crisps and biscuits all day as I couldn’t stay awake long enough to even check. I’ve managed to cook this evening. It’s just brought up so many feelings I thought I’d got over about being on my own/single
Parenting. It’s all manageable these days, until soemthing like this happens, then it feels like climbing f’ing Everest.

OP I'm sorry that's really shit. Could you bite the bullet and text back one or two of those friends back asking for help? Even just asking if they could take the kids for a few hours, or make dinner or whatever?

Is there anyone in your family who could travel to yours and stay for a few days? Or what about a neighbour you get along with, you could ask for a favour? I know it's not nice to ask for help but you clearly need it right now.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you've just had a major operation it's not your fault.

I maybe should have done yesterday. I think I’m over the worst of it now. Hopefully a good nights sleep and tomorrow will be ok. I think I just needed to moan! I find asking for help so hard because I have zero capacity to return the favour these days, which feels shit.

Don't be shy to ask.

You poor, poor thing. I wish I lived locally. I am dropping some soup in for a sick friend today. I would absolutely help you out. You must be feeling so vulnerable atm. I don’t suppose it’s feasible to move closer to family one day?

It's really hard. I'm a lone parent and I generally trundle along quite happily on my own but when something unexpected happens it is really tough and it does highlight the singleness.

Your work friends sound fab. I know it's not the same as having a partner at home and/or family close at hand but you have friends who have stepped in and wanted to help which is a massive thing.

Don't be scared to message other friends, even those who you don't know quite so well, if there are little things you could do with help with. I know I want to help people when they're in need of it. I think most of us have a natural drive to want to do something useful if someone we know is going through something difficult.

I don’t have much family and they wouldn’t be able to helP really (elderly). I’ve considered moving closer so I can try and help them! We normally do ok, it’s just when things like this happen… I feel stronger today. And surely I’m due a spell of no illness for a bit now!