Introducing a new relationship

[namechanger4097]

Hello

ive been in a relationship for a few years but I’ve not introduced him to my kids (13 and 11) as a boyfriend. I guess because the split from their dad was so, so awful, because my family are full of shame and blame for me ending my marriage ( I think unfairly as he was unfaithful and bullying) and because when we got together he was a casual thing and I couldn’t face introducing him and it ending and it being an issue. Also he’s older than me by 12 years and never divorced his wife albeit they haven’t been together for 15 years. I’m now in a weird limbo where he wants to move it on and is divorcing and he wants to ultimately (not immediately) move in and my kids are hostile to this “friend’ who is often around but whose status is unclear. If I do let him move in I am worried in case it blows up because his kids are grown up and mine are pretty used to me being the centre of their universe. My fear is that he gets angsty over their hostility and a lovely thing ends, that the kids play up and that if it fails my family will make a drama of it. My family make a drama of everything, albeit I love him dearly and he is a good man. Do other people just bite the bullet? My exh knows him and will poison the well with my kids who think exh is nice. Do I just tell my kids and family I have a boyfriend and work this through? What do I do? What did you do? I’m tired of protecting everyone and putting my needs aside. Thanks for advice.

[WandaWonder]

But what about the bf, would he be able to get through all the dramas?

I am sure people will say 'he just has to cope with everything that happens' but could he really?

[Meadowfinch]

With dcs at 13 & 11, I wouldn't. The teenage years are quite tough enough, trying to find their feet and work out where they fit in the world. The last thing they need is a man they don't like, muscling in on their home where they should be able to relax and feel secure.

Also bear in mind, at that age if they choose to live elsewhere, there is little you can do to stop them. And it sounds like your family & ex would possibly encourage that. You could lose them, emotionally and/or physically.

I'd put my dcs first. No man is worth losing them. You can continue your relationship outside of your home. They are old enough to leave for evenings now. I'd just enjoy dating for the next few years.