Dating a single parent - is it just me who can't be bothered?

[Scotcheggsontoast]

Friends without kids always asking me about dating and how it's going. I do go on a few dates now and again, but honestly mostly can't be bothered! In between work and having a 4 year old - who has the energy for going on endless dates with random people 99% of which either I don't fancy, they don't fancy me, in a different time of life etc etc.

Love the idea of not being single for the rest of my life, and it does get a bit lonely living on own. But feel like there's something wrong with me in terms of lack of motivation for going on dates, should I be making more effort and push through or just accept a relationship most probably isn't right for me right now??

I want to focus on being a good mum, keeping myself fit and healthy, doing semi ok at work, keeping in touch with friends. I don't see how I can fit in dating and getting to know someone.

Wish I had chosen a more suitable father for my child and that we could just build on our relationship rather than starting all from scratch :-(

I just wish I had the chance to date! My kids are with me 24/7 so not able to. 7 years single. No choice for me

I cba.
sure i’d love to go on a date or two but the faff of sorting babysitters, being able to afford to go on dates and dress up takes effort.

should I be making more effort and push through
NO

You are far more likely to get into a healthy relationship when you are satisfied with being single and it sounds like you are. Well done for focussing on your child and feeling OK.

Thank you. I just worry that I'll never end up meeting anyone.

I have pockets of time here and there and sometimes just do a quick lunch date, but it does mostly feel like a chore and unless I really liked someone I just can't be bothered with following through with more dates etc (as well as a fair amount of them not even wanting a second date anyway).

It's hard to give up on the idea of having a partner, I feel like I need more positive single role models!

unless I really liked someone I just can't be bothered with following through with more dates etc

That's exactly how it should be. You should only go on dates if you're looking forward to them. If you force yourself to go when you don't want to they clearly aren't right for you.

I think it's fine to passively be on dating sites and not get too invested in it and when the right person comes along you will know.

I think there are a lot of single people (without kids) who have been really wanting to get into a relationship (ie. a friend of mine who asks me about it a lot) and say it's a numbers game etc and you've just got to keep trying and they go on a lot of dates, they don't seem to get why I'm not so keen on doing that 1) that I'm not actually that bothered about finding someone 2) that it's actually really hard to find the time and energy anyway!

Yes I know what you mean in terms of shouldn't go on second date unless you really want to / are looking forward to it, but the last relationship I was in (v long term) was great at the start but turned out to be a bad choice so I almost don't trust instincts that way now, I feel like I should just be settling for someone who I vaguely like who has a job / seems sorted, otherwise I'll be on my own foreveeeer. Or end up with someone not great again.

And how do you stop being scared of the idea of being on your own forever anyway - as I'm sure that's not helpful either!?

Plenty of time for dating once your child is a bit older. I stayed single for seven years when I became a single parent.

I've been single for fifteen years, no dates. I really don't have the time.

I let DH when he was a single Dad. He had DSS 4 or 5 nights a week. He had totally given up looking for someone else and was focusing on DSS and work. I met him through friends (at a party with DSS). We hit it off, he actually was quite reluctant at first as was so uninterested in meeting someone and slightly put off women due to the difficulties with his ex. Anyway I managed to turn him round and we have been very happily married for 20 years. He was in a good place in himself and that was probably quite attractive!

I’ve been single for five years as a single parent. Friends say ah but we would babysit if you want to go on a date? But what then if I actually liked them - I don’t have a co parent who regularly has them, so it’s just a hassle. It’s had enough work trying to see friends and family without adding dating to the mix. As my kid gets older I find myself thinking about it but it’s not a priority. It just is what it is, it’s so much more difficult when you have your child all the time, and between work and juggling parenting it just feels like additional hassle!