Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Soft target?

13 replies

LadyA · 18/03/2008 00:57

How do you find people take you? Do you struggle with suspicious wives and/or smutty men? Do you find that men think that you are desperate and so will be grateful to accept anything from anyone? Do you think people look at you differently, or approach you with a different manner than they would otherwise? How about teachers/doctors etc?
...I am a single mum of two dd, and until recently I hadn't noticed any difference in the way other people interact with me. Following an awful weekend, I am beginning to think that I have been looking at the world with rose tinted glasses! ...I guess I need to hear that the world is rosy really!

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

MeMySonAndI · 18/03/2008 01:11

Oh well, sometimes I feel as if my usual warmth is mistaken as being interested (which didn't happen before or at least I didn't notice ), I'm finding it so anooying that I am now swiching a ring from one hand to another in the hope to stop those suspicions. However, the world looks still rosy for me

Thanks

Report

brightwell · 18/03/2008 05:04

When me & ex first split up I did get a couple of "offers" for unexpected sources. Including a neighbours 18 year old son. I was shocked at the time but think it's funny now. I think sometimes teachers judge me, I find myself having to explain that I may be a single parent but I think I'm doing a good job, setting a good example to my children etc.

Thanks

Report

brightwell · 18/03/2008 05:07

Another thought, my neighbours are always singing my praises, telling everyone & anyone how well I'm doing bringing up 2 dc, working and that I've recently studied for a degree. And that my children are always polite & well behaved, not hanging about on street corners causing trouble.....well not yet!

Thanks

Report

littlewoman · 18/03/2008 08:40

Oh yes, I have one or two neighbours thinking I would be grateful for anything. And my best friend dropped me cos she thought I was too pally with her husband. We were pally for 10 years, but she only got mad when me and xh split up (no, I didn't fancy him in any way, and I was far too concerned with the pain of my divorce to want anyone else). It's a reflection of their sex drives / insecurities. Says nothing about me as a person. I know that.

Thanks

Report

greeneyedgirl · 18/03/2008 10:00

I am finidng that getting a job seems to be a problem these days, as soon as I mention childcare, poof! Thought it was all equal opportunities these days..evidently not.

Thanks

Report

lostdad · 18/03/2008 10:28

I am definitely a soft target.

People assume that because I don't live with my ex and son it is because I left them. The opposite is true.

People also assume that there is no smoke without fire' because my ex has made allegations of DV and abusing our son against me. Which is nice...because there is no way in the legal system I can disprove it. It's a case of Guilty until proven innocent' - but as I say, that's not possible.

Worst thing? I can't see how I could do anything in a future relationship to stop this happening again...which means I am seriously considering remaining single and not having any more kids for the rest of my life. Which is sad - because I always assumed that I would end up as an old man with a wife I'd been married to for 40 years and lots of grandkids.

I don't think I would prepared to accept all that I have lost a second time. Definite soft target.

Thanks

Report

tandos · 18/03/2008 11:08

I have found that the friends or people who I used to socialize with before I got divorced no longer feel that its okay to hang out with me.

It seems like they blame me for being on my own and I might end up putting them in the same boat. I say this because they used to come to me for advise but all of a sudden they think I can't any good advise.

But i have learnt to accept this and I do not bother with them, my priority is my dd and myself. Though I wish all my ex-friends well.(smile)

Thanks

Report

goingbonkers · 18/03/2008 23:23

Oh my goodness - you guys need some TLC from some real friends!

LostDad - Bless you sweetheart - please don't think of all women like your Ex. Most of us are loving and honest and genuine. For a while after my truly violent Ex I thought I'd never trust again but I am now learning to open up to the idea of a new relationship. (Not that anyone's knocking at my door)

None of my pre DD friends have children and I prob spend better quality time with them now than I ever did. They don't think being a SP is a disease, or I'd steal their fella's. I'm just me. The same as I always was.

World still rosy.... with floaty music in my head and white fluffy clouds....

Thanks

Report

aiden · 19/03/2008 23:28

I laughed when I read this. I am 27yrs, black female, have a 7mth dd, currently on maternity leave. I look v v young for my age (about 15yr old, is an accurate description, and 5?1). I get all manners of looks and comments when I so much as step out of the hse, especially during daytime. Using public transport is the worse, people really do treat u like u?re the worse sort of scum. It makes me v defensive, and tends to lose my temper really quickly, which makes the situation worse. I feel like getting a tattoo on my forehead stating my age. I?ve never felt so sorry for teenage mothers until people started perceiving me as one. it has dented my confidence no end, and you really have to develop a thick skin to it all.

Thanks

Report

bluejelly · 19/03/2008 23:30

I used to get people presuming I was a nanny or a childminder because they thought I was too young to have a baby.

I used to hate it at the time-- now at the ripe old age of 35 I wish I was being mistaken as a teenage mum!

Thanks

Report

macdoodle · 20/03/2008 20:38

Well I am a single mum and a doctor (and trust me there are a lot of us about)....so I would be the very last one to judge

Thanks

Report

carrielou2007 · 20/03/2008 21:20

I am single mum and I wear a ring on my wedding ring finger. I don't care if someone wants to judge me, I know how hard it is and how much I love my dd. I wear it as most of my patients are over 60 and when they realise I am not married with a baby a lot still get embarrassed. Or worse start to tut and shake their head at me.

I find that this works well for me "no I am not married, I wear a ring as some of my more elderly patients would worry about me as they still think I will be treated as if we are still in the 1950's. Of course we both know it is perfectly acceptable in the 21st century don't we?" they have to nod politley then whatever they were really thinking given such a closed quesion!!

I don't judge single mums but I do judge mums (and dads!) I see smoking whilst pushing a pram, don't care if anyone wants to have a go at me for saying that, you should not smoke when you have a child that has no say in the matter.

Thanks

Report

snotbuster · 20/03/2008 22:10

I feel left out of the 'happy parent club' on my street - everyone is pleasant to me but I can't do baby-sitting swaps and some assume that I 'get weekends off' (I don't, XP has never had DS overnight). Also get a lot of comments about how ok/fine/normal my son is which I think are intended as supportive but make me cringe. Have got a bit paranoid maybe....