No time alone

[2023Enfys]

I find holidays difficult as a single parent. I'm with dd(10) 24 hours a day. There is no family support. I have a couple of friends who are busy with their own lives and we don't meet that often. The loneliness is hard. Dd has had a friend over to play during the holiday but playdates are rarely reciprocated and I can't ask.

I have a chronic health problem which has flared up in the last few weeks making me more tired and irritable. I'm also an introvert who needs some time alone to recharge and I may have undiagnosed ASD/ADHD (waiting for an assessment).

I love dd to bits but I'm feeling worn out and sucked dry. This ends up in a vicious cycle of me feeling resentful and dd feeling rejected and being more clingy.

I can't say these things to anyone irl so thought I'd rant here. Feel like a terrible mother for doing so.

[MintJulia]

You aren't a terrible mother. You are tired and overstretched.

Your DD is 10, so old enough to enjoy holiday club. Can you find a suitable holiday club close by, for a week during the Easter holidays? Check with the council.

If she is out all day with new experiences and new friends, she might be less full-on in the evenings & weekends. Promise yourself a break at the same time - work half days or similar.

I found reducing the stress of each day by a little was almost as good as having a holiday. Not always being in a rush. Having an hour a day to yourself.

[2023Enfys]

Thanks for your reply @MintJulia.
Dd hates holiday clubs. She has to spend some time going to them because I can't cover all the school holidays with annual leave.
I've had 2 weeks leave for Christmas. The first week was OK but I've been feeling worse this week - a combination of January blues and increased fatigue. Being back in work/school next week will get us both back into our usual routine. I feel like this every school holiday but Christmas always seems to be the worst.

[Newtothis8008]

Hi, have you tried Therapy for you online? I'm sorry I can't offer more support,
I have ADHD, these pictures I add, speaks volumes to me
Hope the coin flips for you soon

[2023Enfys]

@Newtothis8008 I've had therapy (lots over the years). No-one has ever said they think there might be any ND.
I feel wired and hyperactive and as shattered as I am find it so hard to switch off and rest. I get things done but never finish the list and the harder jobs I can't even start because they are overwhelming. The day-to-day things are monotonous and I resent the time it takes to do them. Like food prep and clearing up afterwards - I feel like hours of the day are wasted.

[Newtothis8008]

I truely understand, itis hard. I literally use to bully myself for not having things done. I hope someone else replys to your post. With more suggestions. Youur definitely not alone though. Never really thought of others dealing with the same situation as myself. I was lucky enough to have. My mum who seemed to be the only person who understood me. Hopefully the doctor will give you meds that will help. Try not to be so hard on yourself
There should be more support out there .