Has anyone ever wanted to be the NRP?

[AmazingDayz]

No judgement please but has anyone ever wanted to be the NRP? Or am I just totally terrible for dreaming of being the NRP. It seems so frowned upon for women to be the NRP but men do it easily. This is only aimed at those who have wanted to be the NRP as I know most women won’t want to be so don’t need a thread of people saying no just wondered if anyone has actually wanted to be the NRP.

When dc were little I always thought if DH and I split I would want to be the NRP, it looked like a great gig to be honest.
Now dc are teens I don't feel the same way. It isn't a women are really allowed though.

I’ve not separated so haven’t had to think about being the NRP. However I have a few times thought that if I separated and had 50/50 I’d have way more time to distress and might manage life better. A sign of being over stretched I expect.

I would have loved 50/50 but unfortunately he chose not to see them instead. I often dream of how nice it must be to be the NRP and have all the fun of parenting but none of the hard stuff.

Aw that’s awful of him. I can well understand how taking 100% of the care burden would lead to you thinking about easiest forms of parenting.

A friend of mine split with her partner and they had him with his dad Sunday - Tuesday and mum Wednesday- Saturday. I have thought how lovely… a whole day to yourself at the weekend.

Sometimes. When the DC are driving me mad. When their father has decided not to bother seeing them again because he has a cold/hangover/better offer. When I'm wondering if we need bread or milk more urgently because I can't afford both. All those are times I've thought it would be better to be the NRP.

My son’s dad moved out of the family home in September (we split up a few years back though), and the first few weekends my son spent with his dad I was in tears. I found it so hard and couldn’t wait for him to get back on Sundays.
Now I’m a few months in, and my son is obsessed with his Disney dad and how much fun they have, how he hates me, I’m not fun, only likes his dad, wants to live with dad not me, on repeat (mainly at bedtime when he’s over tired - he’s 6 so I try not to take it to heart).
Being NRP now sounds quite appealing to me. We couldn’t do it as my ex can barely look after himself, but it is tempting. I loved the last few days I had to myself and quite honestly wanted more. I felt awful for feeling that way, I’m hoping it’s just a phase. But I did spend some time imagining how it would work if he moved in with his dad.

I had proper 50-50 for five years after divorce and loved it. It made life SO easy! Time for myself, to rebuild, time to rest...., time to go on dates,... , time to travel, time to have noisy sex in an empty, child-free house, time to lounge around and watch tv, to redecorate, to write a book, and time to pour extra energy into my career, without the guilt of knowing the DC we're waiting for dinner etc...

And it made it much easier to put energy and joy into parenting when kids were there - including the hard parts, because you were not totally and utterly exhausted.

It is unbelievably unfair that it is assumed the mother should be resident parent and most of the time does nearly 100%.

My DC are now teens and want to be with me most of the time, and not be shuttling around as much. Fully understand that, but I miss the empty house and being able to act like a free adult!

My ex is a 30% dad. It was hard enough to get him to that stage but now he's not single he'll do more. He Works shifts so uses that as an excuse. Sometimes I think his life looks great. He only gives me his shifts a week or so in advance so I struggle to plan things but I've got family support.

Thanks everyone glad it’s not just me, my ex does nothing at all it’s 100% on me, every aspect of parenting, I had people say to me if it’s 50/50 he wouldn’t have to pay any maintenance but he doesn’t need to pay any anyway so I would actually be better off financially! I dream of being the NRP and getting all the fun aspects with none of the hard work, living a life as if I have no children then dropping in when I feel like it.

I honestly think the lack of division of care is why some women dislike parenting. I don't think it will ever change.

It's really shockingly unequal.... both the actual facts around hours (and years) of parental slaving, and the emotional inequity.

Women are made to feel guilty for enjoying any moment away from their children....or not enjoying any moment with them..... it's assumed we will be not just the resident parent but the full time parent and pick up every bit of slack....

and any rage or resistance? We must be unnatural, lacking maternal instincts!