When my ex picks our children up..

[Butterflybutterfly101]

ive lived in the marital home with our two children 19 & 15 since we separated 4 years ago. Our relationship is pretty good, we generally get along okay but my ex still sometimes turns up and lets himself in if he’s dropping something off that my daughter left at home. We’ve discussed in mediation that he can’t do this any more and he’s agreed but he’s really angry that I’ve said I don’t want him to come in to the house whenever he’s collecting the kids. Sometimes is fine but others it’s just awkward and sometimes he goes upstairs to my daughters room, once I was just getting out of the shower and once I was getting changed in my bedroom and I don’t always want to make polite conversation. With the best will in the world, sometimes the kids faff around for 10/15 mins and he says he doesn’t want to just sit outside like a “effing taxi driver”. In the four years we’ve been apart I’ve only set foot in his flat 3 times and always wait outside for the kids and I don’t mind. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

Why haven't you changed the locks or if you can't do that put a chain or extra lock on the door?????

Change the locks!

You call it the marital home but is it in fact the former marital home now in your ownership ? Are the finances sorted ? As in a financial arrangement and divorce or has he just moved out ?

If he still owns the house with you and there is no legal agreement yet (did the mediation lead to any type of legal agreement ? ) then you are not in a position to change the locks.

If you DO have an agreement then do it as soon as possible.

Not just agreement but a legally binding one !

legally I can’t change the locks yet. Hes no longer letting himself in we’ve sorted that it’s just that now he’s saying I’m unreasonable fir expecting him to wait outside when he picks the kids up

Former! Marital home

If he's stopped doing it, then I'd just ignore his moaning!

19 & 15 is old enough to be ready on time

You say former marital home, but you can't change the locks. It sounds like the divorce finances are not sorted, I would push to get them done. So it is your own property to which he can no longer have a key or access.

Ignore his moaning. He is the unreasonable one.

Could you reach a compromise where he can sit downstairs to wait for the kids but not come upstairs?

I have a similar problem with my ex. I have lived in the former martial home with the children since we separated nearly 3 years ago now. When he arrives to pick up the kids he just knocks once and keys himself straight in, often early so there's been many a time when I have been in the shower, getting dressed at the time etc. He will wonder around picking up post, reading paperwork left around, goes upstairs to the kids rooms and will sit the door so I can't hear what he is saying. Even when the kids are ready to go when he arrives he'll just sit on the sofa making himself comfortable. He's let himself in many a time when I'm not there and when he drops the kids off he just follows them straight in, takes his shoes and coat off etc... I've had him furious today that I didn't tell him first thing this morning that one of our children felt unwell as he expects to spend the day here looking after them, but I didn't want him in the house when I am not here so I asked my sister to look after dd instead whilst I was at work.

I think you have to just ignore the complaining and try to keep some boundaries so that you have privacy in your own home. The sooner you can get your finances sorted the better so that he can't legally come in to your home. I'm hoping our house will be sold in a few months and I can have my own home that he doesn't step foot in unless I invite him to.