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Try to change dds name now or wait?

8 replies

AmazingDayz · 26/12/2023 22:42

I was planning to change my daughter’s surname once she turns 16. When I registered her I used both mine and exes surname I actually asked which way round to put the names so mine was the main name one used and the one used day to day. I was told by the woman who registered her to put mine first as it’s easier to drop the last one. Well this wasn’t true as everywhere literally never uses my name and only uses my exes name. I was told written down mine will look like a middle name. I wasn’t happy with this and asked when dd was a baby to change the name but obviously got told no. We split up and he has nothing to do with her. I want to change the name but was told it would never be agreed to by a judge because they would never remove a name. I thought it was best to wait till she’s 16 and then change it but it seems that’s frowned upon and most people have told me it would be wrong to change it at 16. So would it be better changing it now whiskeys she’s still a child? Dd only knows herself as my name as school agreed to use only mine. She doesn’t know about the other surname she is autistic and doesn’t have the same understanding as other children. I waited thinking it was the best thing to do now people are telling me that’s wrong? Has anyone changed their child’s name without the fathers permission, I’ve heard a few people say can be done if he is absent? Just not accepted by passport office? I wanted to do it officially but seems that was not the right thing to do, I would understand if I never gave her mine but the intention was for both names with mine being the “main” one.

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DustyLee123 · 27/12/2023 07:19

How old is she?

Floopani · 27/12/2023 07:25

She can choose to change her name by deed poll at 16, without anyone's permission. It doesn't have to be expensive just do it through an online website. My DD just changed hers at 16 and had no trouble getting a passport etc.

Only bit I wondered about is whether this would upset your DD at all if she doesn't know about the other name anyway.

Sod the other people, I changed my surname at 17 too it was absolutely fine.

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2023 07:39

Unless her DF is a serial murderer or something, I really can’t see why you would change the name to have his removed. You can’t pretend he never existed, you chose her name when you registered her birth. It’s just a name! When she is an adult, she can decide whether to keep her birth name or not.

AmazingDayz · 27/12/2023 11:40

Yes I did choose her name but if you read it you will see I chose BOTH names but mine isn’t being used. She has two surnames not just his.

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TickingKey46 · 28/12/2023 10:12

What I would respectfully say is make sure you're doing this for the right reasons.
My children and myself have a very distinctive/unusual surname that's my children's father's. We are now divorced and there is a no contact order in place due to their father's abuse. My maiden name was an easy common one.
Many people have asked me why I haven't changed my surname and when I intend to change the children's! I will change mine but not the children's. Its really not a big deal it's also their identity in their own right.

Boredatthemoment · 28/12/2023 10:17

I changed my DD’s surname to mine when she was 9. My ex disappeared, and I almost got stopped from travelling with her without his permission because she had his name. It was very simple with a deed poll and I just wrote that I did not know where her father was so could not get his permission. Deed poll was accepted for her passport and because she was born abroad her birth certificate was also amended.

AmazingDayz · 28/12/2023 10:50

TickingKey46 · 28/12/2023 10:12

What I would respectfully say is make sure you're doing this for the right reasons.
My children and myself have a very distinctive/unusual surname that's my children's father's. We are now divorced and there is a no contact order in place due to their father's abuse. My maiden name was an easy common one.
Many people have asked me why I haven't changed my surname and when I intend to change the children's! I will change mine but not the children's. Its really not a big deal it's also their identity in their own right.

God I would never change my name to his. It’s not her identity as she’s not aware of the name as I already said I’ve asked school to use mine so that’s what she knows herself as. She has two surnames it’s not the same as having his. It’s people that are not using it.

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AmazingDayz · 28/12/2023 10:52

Boredatthemoment · 28/12/2023 10:17

I changed my DD’s surname to mine when she was 9. My ex disappeared, and I almost got stopped from travelling with her without his permission because she had his name. It was very simple with a deed poll and I just wrote that I did not know where her father was so could not get his permission. Deed poll was accepted for her passport and because she was born abroad her birth certificate was also amended.

Thank you, finally someone that gets it, my dd has a lot of medical appointments and I’m getting sick of being asked if I’m “mum” or people assuming it’s also my surname and referring to me under his name. I have other children with my surname so I will not be changing mine to his. Glad you managed to do it that sounds like it was pretty straight forward!

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