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am I being unreasonable on access to dd?

2 replies

taken4granted · 16/03/2008 11:41

I am a new lone parent it was a totally unexpected and I am very shell shocked and currenlty swinging between anger and utter devastation I undertsand these are all part of the process and with time things will get better. My problem is I have suggested exp sees dd once a fortnight for the begining - he said he was moving in with his parents (but didnt) and I think hes staying on his mates sofa. - both of these are in my opinion not a situation I would like my dd to be in (better at gp ) but at end of day I thought him seeing her was about quality time with her not palm her off with G ma whilst he would I would bet on it play his precious golf) Hes seen her twice since the split which she has enjoyed I know he should see her but he himted yesterday when he dropped her off that Im being unreasonable about access to h er - My dd is normally outgoing and lively but alhtough she wont say the whole sit is bothering her she is having nightmares wont sleep in her bed and is also very happy playing her nintendo in her room all day (NOT LIKE HER) even a friend noticed how withdrawn she is becoming. Ive tried talking to her but as daddy told her to brave shes not really talking at all. Anyway As this is affecting her and to be honest in the 8yrs of her life whatever he ws doing took prioity over us as a family esp dd he never really spent a great deal of time with her anyway in fact its only the last couple of months hes actually started doing things with her like ice skating bike rides before that he did nothing apart from watch sky ports and soccer all day then play golf or go out with his mates up into london on the pi** My point was that dd needs routine and seeing him for 6hrs every sat is not what shes been used too - she never saw him during week as he was "working".

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 16/03/2008 11:58

Your daughter will be affected by the split. And it will take time for you all to adjust. It is good that her dad is now making the effort to do things with her. Pity it came to this before he did though! But build on what you have. Once you all settle into a routine and she sees that you and your ex are still there for her, just not living together any more she is likely to be more of her usual self. It will take time though

What is her dad asking for in terms of seeing her? Is all he wants the once a week on a saturday for 6 hours? Do you think your dd would benefit from more time with him? Is he willing and able to give more time? Is more time dependant on him finding his own place? Can he not collect dd from school one or two afternoons and take her home/out for tea?

And did your DD see much of her grandparents before? There's no reason they can't see her as well as dad seeing her sometimes is there? It might help her settle more to know she will go to grandma's for tea one day a week after school for example, and that when she sees her gps that she is visiting them rather than visiting dad at their house iyswim.

Lots of questions, not many answers sorry.
You sound like you have your daughter's best interests at heart.

Keep strong
Gilly

taken4granted · 16/03/2008 14:41

Thanks I do have my dd best interest at heart in all of this In answer to yur questions exp saw her 5 mn in morning and eve during work days and then spent all day loungin in front of tv watching sport up until last couple of months when I insisted they did something together at the w/e so he strated taking her ice skating/bike ride for a couple of hrs - I dont know for sure where hes sating but his frien lives 2 hrs away and his dad about 1.5hrs away so option of tea after school not an option plus he never finished work earlier before the split so why change her routine - she saw her gp for a max 4 x a yr and then we made the effort not allways them her other gp live in a different country so havent seen her for a yr. never call etc the pdd card suffices for them. Exp moaned at me when I offered her with him this w/e for 6hrs sat bring her home and do the same sunday so hence the alternate saturdays - he hasnt got anywhere suitable for her to stay overnight and quite frankly Im not sure he would look after her just plonk her in front of tv if he did have her overnight plus she has nightmares and Im the only one who has ever been able to calm her down. He says hes willing to give more time but Im dubious that after a few weeks other things will crop up like the nice weather and the golf and she will take a back seat or palm her off on grandma whilst he and his dad plays golf - not spending time with her plus hes a fan of taking her for junk food as he cant be bothered. He has been an extremely selfish person in his actions with her from the start which I had to put up and shut up as he earned the £ and I did the dutifull housewife. Ive agreed he can see her next sunday for the day s its easter and we booked a holiday for me and dd before the plit and so wont be able to see then.

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