My ex, my kids dad has made little effort since I left him last November. Always has an excuse not to see them, started off not even seeing them weekly or fortnightly after I moved out. Then he moved back into his dad's house 115 miles away. (he doesn't drive) he's now only seen the children twice in the last 5 months (one of those times only for a day). He hardly calls them or asks about them. Maybe once a month. I'd offered him 50/50 which he said no to, and then offered him to have them one week out of every month (weekends aren't doable because I'm not doing two 230 mile round trips twice in a few days).
Anyway he said no to that too, and just doesn't have plans to see them or accommodate them. I told him he either needs to have them the first week of every month and call them at least twice a week (on his days off work) otherwise stop all together because he's just hurting them with his inconsistent presence.
He claimed he's asking work about shorter days for the first week of the month, and asking his dad for childcare help when he's at work (I already know his dad would love to help, he's been asking for years). However I know he's not going to do these things, he's got a track record of not actually asking work for anything that accommodates the kids and last time his dad helped I had to ask myself because he claimed he wouldn't when he actually would.
Now he's trying to make himself look good by saying he's sent the children Christmas presents and asking if they've arrived yet. Over 2 weeks ago... And I know he definitely didn't send anything because he used to pull the same with his family where he said he'd sent something and then later claims it was lost in the post because he actually didn't sent anything.
I've not told the kids about that so it'll not be a direct disappointment for them, but my 4yo just had her birthday last week and has mentioned multiple times how her dad wasn't there and didn't see her. It'll be the same for Christmas no doubt.
What do I do here? Our youngest is 20 months, she's going to forget him soon no doubt and then it'll be too late for him to have her over because it'll be horrible for her being made stay the night at someone's house she doesn't even know.
I've tried saying to him how much he's hurting the kids and that this kind of things stays with a person and causes issues forever. (my mum abandoned us, so I know what it feels like).
He says the right thing to make himself look good and look like he cares but his actions show the opposite. What's the best course of action here? Do I just leave him to it and by the looks of it it probably won't be long until he cuts all effort at all. Or do I continue to fight him to see them because the kids want to see him? I don't want them to think I didn't fight hard enough for them, but I also shouldn't have to, he should want to see them.