How do you cope when your 5 year old tells you all day long she hates you?

[Courtnightmares]

That's it really. At the end of my tether.

My ds did this at a similar age. I knew he didn't hate me, he just knew that was one way to try and hurt me/get a reaction if he wasn't getting his own way etc. He's 9 now and tells me he loves me all the time instead, never says he hates me anymore now he understands the true meaning behind it. I just rode it out at the time, didn't give him any reaction either way, I just used to say I still love you even if you hate me.

My son often says this sort of thing because he doesn’t have the vocab to fully express himself. I know it’s so hard not to feel it viscerally - what I do now (after many years of different strategies) is to first name the emotion (tiredness, anger, frustration, disappointment etc) and then give him words to express that feeling. Eg “I can see how cross you are; you’re telling me you’re upset because you have to stop playing and go to bed now”. Then I continue to enforce what needs to be done eg bedtime routine.

Hang on in there. It’s hard. It will get better. You are not a hateful mother.

I'm just exhausted by this point. I've raised her alone since day one. Its only in the last six months or so her behaviour has become progressively worse and worse.

I'm trying so hard. I feel she doesn't have any respect whatsoever for me and has zero boundaries.

It's a phase, it will pass. When she says it don't punish or bribe her, just tell her it's ok and that you'll always love her.

Have you ever heard the saying

you hurt the one you love the most

she doesn’t hate you, she’s lashing out and using you as a punch bag. I know it hurts, but smile and tell her that’s ok, you still love her.