This is likely to be a long post but i'll try and keep it as brief as I can.
For the last nine years ive been struggling with my exps behaviour towards his son. We were quite young when we got together and split mutually when ds was 18 months old.
Exp is predictable. He finds a new partner, within a short space of time he's given up his home and shacked up with at her mother's. During this time he wont see ds as he has no kind of real accomodation. He will also lose his job at this point because he cares for nothing but his new partner. Then they will get a house and the contact starts on a nice regular basis. He gets another job. He then gets his partner pregnant and the excuses start, contact gets less and less. Shortly after they have the baby they split up, he doesn't see his new child and sleeps on his friend's sofa for six months. He finally gets accommodation of his own and will see ds again.
Then he meets another girl, gives up his home/job and the whole things starts again. Im not kidding, this is the fourth time in nine years.
Last Easter I finally had enough He was in the have new gf phase, living at her mums and letting ds down, he ignored my phonecalls for 3 weeks, not even an easter egg for ds (he said he couldn't afford one). I have never done this before but I stopped contact completely.
Three months later he phones out of the blue begging to see ds. I relented and told him things had to change. They did for a while but it really affected ds. He couldn't trust his dad anymore, thought that every time he came home dad would be letting him down again. I was called into the school and told that my son was telling his teacher he felt like "killing himself". I was practically interrogated. I tried to put my point across and explain what had happened but if im honest ive felt under suspicion ever since.
Ds has a happy life here with me, I provide everything he could ever want. He knows he is loved and wanted. We talk often, we're very close, but I have no control over what his father does to him.
At school even now nearly a year on, ds is constantly questioned by teachers, teaching assistants on his "situation" and if "everything is alright at home". He has been labelled as "one of those kids" which makes me furious at times. I have been phoned by the deputy head and practically interrogated too in an agressive manner. Ive been asked very personal questions about our home life which have had me in tears because I do everything I possibly can and its like banging my head against a brick wall with exp.
I go to work and provide for my kids. I always put them first, they are never out of my thoughts. I am a single mother yes but im not irresponsible. (Scatty and disorganised yes I admit). Last year I went out three times, they are hardly neglected. They have a good home here.
Going off on a tangent there. So ds has just started to trust his dad again and we now find out that exp's gf is pregnant. (The fourth). Today he has let ds down. Called at the very last minute saying he was not seeing him this weekend as he had "things to do". It didn't matter what I said, that he should have told me sooner, that he wasn't being fair to ds. He said it was no big deal, one weekend. It wouldn't be a big deal I suppose but I know this is just the start again.
Im feeling rubbish that I cant protect ds from this, and that I have no reasonable grounds to do anything about it despite the fact I KNOW what is going to happen next.
I have to sit here now and watch my son being pushed out again, and take the blame when school ring me up because he's crying in class.
I have no idea what to do at all. Ive tried talking to exp but at age 32 he still acts like a lovestruck teenager. He just does not understand how much he has hurt ds over the years (and continues to do so). His personal life is none of my business but it becomes my business when it affects our son. If I stop contact again, he'll play the "I have a right to see my son" card despite the fact he told me tonight he will see ds when he feels like it and bring him back late when he feels like it, he is totally unreasonable.
Sorry, I know this is so long.