Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

Bit of an update on me

14 replies

birky · 13/03/2008 20:27

Friday: Solicitors arranged for xp to move his belongings out of the house at 5pm with supervision of his stepdad and my mum. He was there when I got home, started hurling abuse as I got out of my car. Questioned why his stepdad wasn't with him and me and my mum decided we weren't prepared to deal with him alone. He then rang his new girlfriend in front of me calling her 'sweet' which was my petname. He was laughing and slagging me off and gave me the phone, she was being nasty so I threw his phone on the road. He then went next door and rang the police. I refused to let him in the house, the police rang back and told him to go to the station to make a complaint so he left. I took DD and went to stay with my mum. Police came and interviewed me at my mums and said I'd be cautioned for criminal damage but said I could have til sunday to seek legal advice. They also arranged to supervise xp moving his things out sunday night

Sunday: I'd agreed to let xps mum have DD for the day as I had to finish packing to move. Xp was working all day. About 1pm instinct told me to drive upto his mums and needless to say his car was outside. Discovered that he'd come out of work by pulling a sickie so he could see DD even though solicitors have told him he can't have access. After a lot of arguing and shouting, he started playing nice telling me he still loves me blah blah blah. Trying to mess with my feelings to get me to back down about access. No chance. Met at house at 8pm with police and his mum and bloke with van. Turned nasty going on about how I killed his fish etc. Finally him and his stuff went. Police stayed to interview me for caution and police officer described xp as jekyl & hyde!!

Monday: Moving day!! Got everything moved to new house. Xp wont know where I'm living (or so I thought). Stayed at mums for night but went to house as landlord wanted to show me how to use boiler, parked car over road outside no 18...

Tuesday: Xp texting to say he'd bought new phone and was using a new number but would be contactable 2 hours a day on old number. His mum texting in evening blabbing on about how happy he is with new girlfriend, must be love, cant wait for more grandkids and then declared that a DNA test is needed for DD as 'she could be anyones'

Wednesday: XP wanting to be civil, arrange access for DD. Does he not get the message?! I don't want the violent idiot near my child. He's lost the plot. Declared on the phone that he knows where I'm living, got the street right but the wrong house number, guess no18 so obviously been driving round looking for me and seen my car parked there

Thursday: XP hassling me. Rang my mum, kept trying to ring my mobile, rang my work, texts from him and his mum, could I go after work to sit and talk about him seeing DD. Police came out this evening and going up to speak to him to warn him to stay away from my street, to stop harrassing me and my family and to understand that if he wants contact he should be applying to court through his solicitor.

On the good side of things, the really fit guy from next door but one just knocked on my door saying he saw me getting my broadband line installed and how much do I pay... yummmmy!!

OP posts:

shelleylou · 13/03/2008 21:49

hey birky,
sorry your still getting hassle from your ex maybe that incident on fri and sunday will do some good though as the police are going to warn him away from your street. If i were you id change my number, wtf does xp mum think she is going to achieve by textin you things like that. From the sounds of it shes off her rocker aswell. Good to hear about the guy next door then, could have just been a way to strike up conversation with you with any luck. Hope things start looking up for you now. x

Original poster

birky · 13/03/2008 23:09

His mum is truly one of the most 2 faced people i have ever met. One minute shes slagging him off to me and getting upset saying she doesn't want anyone else to fill my shoes and she wants us to be a family, the next she's being horrible and saying crap about dd not being his. Its all just a big game to them cos they think they can get me to give in but they're all just making themselves look even worse

OP posts:

shelleylou · 13/03/2008 23:11

They are making themselves look worse keep log of it all and get copies of police reports im sure that will help when it goes to court.

goingbonkers · 13/03/2008 23:23

You really are having a hard time. I'm so glad you have your mum there for support. Just remember we're all here too - Keep strong chick. Good luck xx

Tinkerbel6 · 14/03/2008 09:46

birky your exp and his mum deserve each other, sound like jeremy kyle participants, dont take any calls from your ex even change your number if you have to and only deal with him through a solicitor.

Original poster

birky · 14/03/2008 22:37

Good news sort of, police officer rang me this morning and I dont have to be cautioned if I accept an £80 fixed penalty to be paid in 28 days. Can't really afford it but would rather do that than have a caution for criminal damage.

Xps stepdad rang my mum today cos I've still got xps cup and suit jacket. Apparently police have told xp that he has to stay away from my street, my workplace and my mums house so feel a bit safer.

Xp texted me earlier to say he is going to go ahead with a DNA test so I'm assuming the CSA have been in touch and he's denied paternity or hes just being petty. DD is 13 months old. She looks like her dad and there is no possibility she could be anyone elses.

OP posts:

shelleylou · 14/03/2008 22:52

If for some reason your finding it hard to poay the fine on time ring the number on the form a few days before and explain the situation and when you will be able to pay them, as if it isnt paid on time they can take you to court for non payment of fine and you will have to pay court costs aswell. They should be alright about it. IM glad things are sorted a bit. Dont worry about the paternity test if you know that xp is her dad then you have nothing to worry about.

Original poster

birky · 14/03/2008 22:55

Its just annoyed me and really upset me. He's doing it to get at me but it's not fair on DD. He keeps saying he wants to be civil and get on for her sake and then he keeps pulling silly stunts like he does

OP posts:

shelleylou · 15/03/2008 16:43

I can imagine that it would. From what youve said on your threads i dont think he knows the meaning of civil

lou33 · 15/03/2008 17:06

you need to get on to your solicitor and tell them he is harrassing you, and to warn him off

also tell him to go through your solicitor for everything from now on

my exh is very much like this, and this is the route we have had to go

it doesnt matter how calm or civil you can be, he sounds like he cant, so any reaction from you towards him, will be wrong in his eyes, and all that is going to happen is a constant rising of stress levels for you

keep any harrassing texts or emails from him as well

i really sympathise

Freckle · 15/03/2008 17:33

Is he likely to be paying any maintenance? If it's on the cards that he will try to avoid like the plague and it will be years before you see a penny, it might be better for you and dd if he wasn't the father. So tell him she isn't his and then he has no excuse to carry on harrassing you.

Not that I'm suggesting that you lie of course.....

Original poster

birky · 15/03/2008 20:38

He owes me over £200 in maintenance - we had an agreement that he'd pay me weekly and not go through the CSA. Claims he's got it in a bank account but refuses to hand it over. Applied through CSA now.

Police officer came to see me today, turns out his sergeant said it had to be a caution not an £80 fine. Agreed to go upto the station with him but my mum was working and had noone to watch DD so he arranged for another officer to babysit while I was there, took her fish fingers and potato waffle that had just cooked. She loved it! He took her up into the staff canteen and they were all playing with her, they didn't want her to leave!! It was horrible, felt like a criminal. Had to give DNA, fingerprints, had photos taken. Didn't get put in a cell or anything thankfully they were really lovely. Apparently xp has been trying to put a complaint in about the officer dealing with it as it's taken over a week to get me cautioned.

OP posts:

Original poster

birky · 15/03/2008 20:39

My solicitor is turning out to be useless. Im constantly leaving messages but she never gets back to me. The police told me to get an injuction but she said I can't because he's not threatening or being violent

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/03/2008 20:45

A non molestation order can be obtained to prohibit violence and anti social behaviour.

NON-MOLESTATION ORDER

A non molestation injunction order can be made to prevent a person from using or threatening to use physical violence or to prevent a person from harassing, pestering or intimidating someone. An order can be made on a free standing basis or within existing proceedings. There needs to be proof of molestation. The Act provides that:- (a) There must be evidence of molestation (harassment, intimidation, pestering, violence or threats of violence) (b) The Applicant (or child) must need protection; and (c) The judge must be satisfied (on the balance of probabilities) that judicial intervention is required to control the behaviour which is the subject of the complaint.

The Applicant or relevant child must be at risk of ?significant harm? or at risk of significant harm if no
order is made.

from this site

hth

Flip