The exhaustion of carrying it all

[runner55]

The thing I find hardest about parenting alone (completely alone, no contact or CM from ex) is the sheer exhaustion of keeping promises when you've nothing left to give.

Doing the tree and decorations yesterday was almost physically painful I'm so tired, but I had promised and it was worth it to see DS so happy 😊but there's just no let up, working, cleaning, washing, homework, dog walking, shopping, Christmas, birthdays, holidays, trips, appointments, new clothes, bedtimes, playing, lots of it is lovely and I adore DS, but some days I've completely run out of spoons by the afternoon and somehow have to keep going. No other adult to walk the dogs or pop dinner on for example, little things that add up.

I do things for myself too (exercise class, coffee with friends etc.) and am millions happier without ex, but omg I'm knackered!

Just needed to get that off my chest...

You need to get it off your chest!

I parented alone - they are now 21 and 18 and did it from 7 and 4 - and I hear you on the relentless nature of what you have to do in a day. Every minute was accounted for in my day - my multi tasking skills should be recorded in a book!

My first impression of your post was that YOU GOT YOUR TREE UP already! I can guarantee mine was always the week before Xmas. So you are already winning!

I think you just have to be realistic about what you can actually do in a day, and ruthlessly discard things that don't really matter. Does it really matter if you do the washing today or tomorrow? Does it really matter if your dog has a half hour walk instead of an hour? Be ruthless.

I have said this many times, but the thing that saved my sanity and strengthened the relationship between me and the DCs was to sit down and have dinner together every night. It is a chance to decompress, talk, laugh, cry....whatever. I would prioritise that over everything given the circumstances of relentless manual labour.

Relentless! That was the word I was looking for!

Oh yeah I deffo prioritise! Have to wash school uniform and make sure we have enough clean undies. Dogs get a run at the weekend and a boring half hour trot round the houses the other days. DS also does a few chores but needs lots of reminding (ADHD), which of course creates more mental load for me, but I'm raising him to be responsible. I think maybe I need to do some batch cooking to create a stack of "ready meals". That's more work though! Aaargh! My own ADHD probably doesn't help 😬

As for the tree, DS has been listening to Christmas music on repeat since October, I had no choice 😀

He's 12 so we actually game together every day, it's a good time to chat and reconnect.

I just feel about 100

Lower the bar and keep lowering it. Single parent fro lm when they were 4 and 1. I had a fake tree, most years. This year I may not bother with a tree as they're older. They care about presents, chocolate, food, new pyjamas, having the heating on full blast, a fridge full of coke zero! All easier than getting a tree.

DS doesn't care about pyjamas or heating, a tree is essential though - as is a fridge full of coke!

Yes, here for a high five with other mums who get it! 🖐️

I'm so tired, full of cold, DS has been sick for the last 4 days needing lots of cuddles and creating lots of washing. I have another set of bedsheets to wash which are currently soaking the bath as I need to wait for the other set to dry so I have space to dry these ones. The usual washing is mounting up because he's been sick in the bed and his sheets have needed washing so everything else is still needing to be done too. He has wanted constant cuddles and wanting to be cuddled to sleep so all the things I usually do in the evening have fallen behind too. My sink is stacked with dishes.

My vacuum cleaner broke on Friday... Just before the DC had a big fight with the Christmas tinsel so there are little shiny bits dropped everywhere while I wait for a replacement part to arrive.

We have all been housebound for most of the week due to illness which means the 2 DC have been bickering so every time I try to make a tiny dent in the housework I get "Muuuuuuuuuuummeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! He's just done X!" so the house is a bomb site as nothing got done.

This morning, while I was making packed lunch for DC, my youngest DC (age 3) didn't get to the loo in time, so shat his pants, then took them off, smearing poop all over his legs and hands and then getting it all over the bathroom (toilet, sink, radiator, floor, bath mat) 😭

I feel like I am always on the go but just treading water as nothing gets done. I couldn't work last week because DC was ill so having to make up hours in the evenings to try to keep up (and failing!)

I have barely started my Christmas shopping, have very little money to do it with.

My sister made some comment the other day about me being stingy when I said I couldn't afford something and said I should work more hours if I needed more money. I work part time and am barely coping. I genuinely don't think people realise how hard it is to be a single parent.

Phew, that was long, but definitely good to get it off my chest!

You sound like you're doing an amazing job OP and you should be so proud of yourself!

Does your son do any clubs? Just thinking something you can drop him off at for a couple of hours while you recharge or get a few things ticked off?

Your comment about doing batch cooking is boringly a really good idea.

It really is worth it as a time, money and stress saver.

I feel all of this.. I'm so exhausted and I've only got one! People have no idea how hard it is single parenting but they love to stigmatise us. It's grueling.

I parent 4 alone, sick of people telling me it’s easier, it’s not 😊 I am fully responsible for them as their father doesn’t see them at all and pays zero maintenance. I’m so exhausted I could cry.