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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

What’s your experience? Ex and family

15 replies

BananaSlug · 26/11/2023 19:25

Is it normal for your exes family to not be interested in your children? I often read posts on MN from women saying if their brother/son had a child out there they would do anything to have contact but this is not my experience irl. What’s everyone else’s experience with their exes family? My exes family have never met our youngest 2 children and have never reached out at all.

OP posts:

Toomanysquishmallows · 27/11/2023 04:56

Hi my eldest is 24 , and my exes family have had nothing to do with her for 20 years! He hasn’t seen her since 2004 . I am of the opinion that you can’t force people to be interested in a child .

thelonemommabear · 27/11/2023 05:36

I was with my ex husband nearly 20 years married for 10 so not a flash in the pan relationship - he is an only child so our children are their only grandchildren..... he walked out of our marriage and children 18 months ago. Not heard from his parents since. They havent seen the children since then either. Was hardly a bad marriage either - I did everything and he effectively had the life of a king with little to no responsibilities as I earned all the money and largely did everything (just context there that I could hardly be painted as a horrible wife / DIL)

I doubt I'll ever see them again. I'm certainly not making any effort when they haven't once bothered to text and ask how I / we are

I'm not going to facilitate a relationship with the children either

ElevenSeven · 27/11/2023 06:19

The kind of person who doesn’t see children will likely be from a family who acts in the same way.

Toomanysquishmallows · 27/11/2023 06:20

@ElevenSeven , very true in my experience

Theunamedcat · 27/11/2023 06:23

Best of all they will blame you for it

No Christmas card Sent no birthday card sent walk past on the other side of the street but its your fault they have no relationship with there ONLY grandchildren

Original poster

BananaSlug · 27/11/2023 08:25

Even when he was seeing them they were not interested it's just odd because I see women on MN posting that they are pregnant and their ex wants nothing to do with the baby and should she reach out to the family and everyone says yes and how much they would want to be involved if it was their relative

OP posts:

romdowa · 27/11/2023 08:35

My own mother isn't interested in my child , so nothing surprises me. Some people like the idea of grandchildren, but aren't keen on the reality.

Toomanysquishmallows · 27/11/2023 08:36

@BananaSlug , in my experience a lot of people have children and grandchildren that they don’t see unfortunately.

OhamIreally · 27/11/2023 08:56

I'm fortunate that my ex's family are still involved.

They have cared for my child when I've had to travel for work (ex refused) send Christmas and birthday gifts and we speak on the phone fairly regularly. They are decent people. I suspect they are ashamed of their son/sibling.

thelonemommabear · 27/11/2023 11:12

I suspect they are ashamed of their son/sibling

I thought this would mean my PIL would be desperate to keep in contact but I think in my case they feel ashamed and embarrassed and can't face me?

NotLactoseFree · 27/11/2023 11:17

I think this entirely depends on the family. Some genuinely are just useless. My dad doesn't even know who his father's parents/family were, where they were from etc.

I also think that quite often, the story the family get bears very little resemblance to the truth and that skewers things. I've seen enough posts on here from women who have clearly been told a pack of lies from their DS about his ex wife and children....

It's a bit like the "crazy exGF" trope - "I don't see my DC because my ex is crazy". And the families probably feel they can't get involved.

runner55 · 04/12/2023 10:54

It baffles me too. Ex has no contact for safety reasons (police and court imposed) yet has fed his family a pack of lies about me, as a result they don't see DS12. Not my choice, I have reached out and tried to facilitate, DS has also reached out, but they completely blank both of us. They were very much in his life before the split so poor DS has lost a whole chunk of family he previously had a good relationship with. I just don't get it.

justl0st · 05/12/2023 23:02

Ex's family were always super involved when we were together, I was closer to his mum than my own, saw them at least once a week. when we first broke up they sided with him and completely cut me out believing all the rubbish he told them such as I was stopping him having the kids etc, they saw the kids through him but not very much as he didn't have them often. A few years on and they have seen through his lies and apologised, now no contact with him. They generally see the kids once a a week/ 2 weekly albeit one at a time generally which we arrange together however our relationship although civil now I don't think will ever be anywhere near where it used to be which is a shame as the kids used to be much closer to them and they are now sad they have missed out on so much.

justl0st · 05/12/2023 23:05

Just to note the reason they are no contact with the son is because of something their son had done with the kids they didn't agree with and caused an arguement. They have always had the kids best interests at heart so I would never not let them see them and would love for ex's siblings to maintain a relationship with the kids too however they I think are a lot more awkward about it all and only see through grandparents.

rockingbird · 06/12/2023 11:13

My MIL actively supported me when the marriage was bad and encouraged me to leave. Then dropped me like a hot potato and I've not heard from her since. This hurts a lot as I was the one supporting her throughout lockdown and visited when I could with the DC (H far too busy to do so)! Now he visits his mother (which I'm delighted about) but I still have no contact from her. Considering I left with the children and a bag of clothes for us and nothing much else not once has she tried to reach out and see if we are Ok (we are doing great now).. I'll never forgive that. She can swivel quite frankly!

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