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What would you think if...

4 replies

amfay · 13/03/2008 08:02 were still in same house as ex but hardly talking and you just happened to come into possession of his mobile, and just happened to see a text he'd sent a woman (who he used to sleep with occasionally before you met) saying he'd be finishing work early and would go round there? Not sure what to think (apart from the fact that he's hassling me to give him more access when me and dd do move out, yet it seems that rather than come back to spend time with her now, he's making plans to see/shag some other woman). Also, why does it make me feel sick to the stomach when I really can't stand him?

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littlewoman · 13/03/2008 09:17

I don't know about how it affects the access to your dd, but it may affect your tummy because it reminds you of the death of your relationship that you probably held really high hopes for once. It's not nice to think that he may be being nice/kind/considerate to someone else when it all went wrong between you, maybe?

amfay · 13/03/2008 09:32

It doesn't affect his access to dd, I just think that seeing as he's giving me a hard time about wanting more access than I'm prepared to give when we do move out, you'd think he'd take every opportunity to be with her now while we're still in the house. I'd like to let him know that I know what he's up to, but I can't unless I admit to looking at his phone, making me the 'bad' one

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gillybean2 · 13/03/2008 09:35

He probably finds it hard to still be living together in the same house, as you possibly do too, and is desperately trying to find distractions.

It's not unusual to hark after an old relationship when a current one ends. Least i find myself wondering how my ex's are now and again, the ones i had serious long term relationships with at any rate. He probably wants to feel like someone still cares for him and is seeking comfort elsewhere. Some sort of self validation or needing to feel wanted I would hazzard a guess as being likely reasons.

Probably better for you to avoid peeking at his phone. It'll only make things harder to deal with if you see private things taht really aren't any of your business now. Hard and horrible as it is to think he's moving on and looking elsewhere already. But if he was sneaking a peek at your phone you'd probably be not too happy. So try and keep that space between you. Unless you are looking to reconcil (and i would suggest councelling as the best way forward on that one) it's not really anything to do with you how he spends his free time now

Also did you think that he might have purposely left the text on his phone and lying around for you to find...

Stay strong, and focus on your daughter
best of luck

amfay · 13/03/2008 10:07

This woman is a friend, I know her too and she's nice, a lot older than him. He has never had a relationship with her, think they just slept together a few times. He's not really the type to do that sort of thing and he's already said he won't be with anyone else once dd and I have gone and he is actually better off on his own I think. He does leave his phone around and it's hard not to look, particularly as we're not really communicating. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I can't wait to get away from him and that I have no interest in what he does or where he goes, so I suppose I've brought this on myself. Sometimes I have good days when I'm really looking forward to moving and making a new life with dd and then suddenly I'll crash and start feeling really bad and scared about the future. But I know I don't want to be with him and I think things have gone too far in the direction of separation for any sort of reconciliation to be on the cards. Sometimes when he tells me that he'll always be in my life because of dd, it just makes me feel sick. I am focusing on dd, I'm doing all this for her anyway because I don't want her being brought up in this situation (if you've seen my other threads you'll know what I mean).

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