How do you manage birthdays

8 replies

mintmagnum3 · 23/11/2023 20:15

You're the primary parent, how do you manage birthdays with ex?
They live with me but do see their dad.

OP posts:

Danikm151 · 23/11/2023 20:22

3 birthdays so far. Have always offered for Dad to join activities. Once he agreed and then cancelled the night before. Maybe next year.

offer as your child will love to have both parents unless you don’t get along.

Singleandproud · 23/11/2023 20:30

Alternate birthdays each year.
If I organised a birthday party ex was not invited but we never lived as a couple and DD was entirely used to it and she would have found it more unusual if he had been there.
Whilst her dad never organised a class birthday he did a family one with his side

DD enjoys effectively having a week long birthday

Original poster

mintmagnum3 · 23/11/2023 20:51

We had an agreement previously to share the birthday. So for example, they wake up with one parent, then we take them for a activity/meal/day out and then go home with the other parent.
He now has a partner and doesn't think this is appropriate.
I respect his decision but I'm not sure what the best solution is.
I can't agree to alternating the years. My children would be so upset to not be home on their special day and i too would be devastated.

OP posts:

Windywuss · 23/11/2023 20:53

He usually sees Dad for a few hours. This was ok when he was little because it either gave me a rest after a party or gave me chance to get it ready. These days he sees his Dad more often the day before or after. Dad isn't worried about it particularly.

Would never invite his Dad to a joint celebration. His Dad and I get on enough for my son's sake but he was pretty abusive in the past so he's never setting foot in my house etc.

jelly79 · 23/11/2023 21:19

Birthdays are with me. Dad left when I was pregnant. He sees DS.

Original poster

mintmagnum3 · 23/11/2023 21:35

jelly79 · 23/11/2023 21:19

Birthdays are with me. Dad left when I was pregnant. He sees DS.

Same.
But dad seems to see past this.

For me it's such a special day, a day I have birth on my own. Breaks my heart the thought of not sharing it with them!

OP posts:

ErinAoife · 23/11/2023 22:09

I always invited my ex to the kids birthday and his family
Most of the time he doesn't turn up as he prioritise his girlfriend instead of the kids. For the past two years. He is doi g a party for my youngest and never invited me so this year I did not bother invite him any way he wasn't even there he was on a weekend away with his girlfriend and after took the mi term off to spend with his girlfriend and her kids, he won't bother to spend the holiday with his kids he could have took them with him. Especially when his girlfriend keeps saying to his sister how much she wants her kids to be close to my daughter, she seems to forget that ex and I have three kids together not one (one is an adult and in uni away). I learnt recently that when ex is going to his girlfriend when he had the kids he only took my daughter and leave our teenager on his own, learn about it when my kid turn up drunk at 2.30am in the morning when he was supposed to be with his dad ( he lost his dad house key).

Orangeandgold · 27/11/2023 19:49

My DD has always loved bdays and so I always host something for her and her friends. He is invited. I treat it as her day, not my day or the families day - it’s her day. It’s up to him to join.

we always do cake and something small at home on the actually day (if it doesn’t fall on the weekend when it’s easier to host a little gathering with friends) and family are welcome - including ex.

Flip