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Lone parents

Don't you hate the title 'lone parent'?

17 replies

littlewoman · 12/03/2008 00:43

I know this is neither here, there nor anywhere in the grand scheme of things, but 'lone parent' conjurs up images of
a) a lonely parent
b) a lone wolf, a shifty old skulker.

So I am wondering if we shouldn't give our position a new and more positive title, such as Double Parent (cos that's what we are after all, most of the time, we're mum and dad).

OP posts:
littlewoman · 12/03/2008 00:44

Where the bollocks are my block letters???

OP posts:
Mamazon · 12/03/2008 00:45

im a full time carer, their dad is a full time twunt.

I don't care what label people choose to place on me.
i do hate the stereotype the phrase brings to peoples mind but on the whole, i have better things to owrry about

miku · 12/03/2008 00:49

should be called bleedin knackered parent

madamez · 12/03/2008 00:49

I tend to say I'm a single parent, because I am single and a parent. Though I also use the term co-parent, because DS dad is a terrific dad, sees him regularly, contributes cash etc - it's just that the two of us are not in a couple relationship and have no intention of starting one.

lostdad · 12/03/2008 08:48

It beats absent dad' or visiting father'. The second one makes me laugh' especially - as I stayed where I was when my ex left with our son.<br /> <br /> People assume that:<br /> a) I ran off with another woman.<br /> b) I did something to deserve what happens.<br /> c) I should just get used to the fact I only see our son for 4 hours week.<br /> d) I don't care.<br /> <br /> All wrong.<br /> <br /> Since she left I have talked to lots of parents - single and otherwise, male and female. Like Mamazon says, there are lots of stereotypes bandied about. The whole gender thing is a big problem. I've read here and elsewhere that Children don't need fathers' all fathers are useless' and he will see my children when I allow him'. When you take gender out of the equation it's obvious there are good and bad parents - regardless of if you're talking about mum or dad and regardless of whether the parent is a lone one or not.

Part of the reason I am here is to prove to myself that not all `single mums' are like my ex, believing their children to be their personal property and fathers are irrelevant. I've been very hurt by what has happened to me and I am trying to get a better grip on the reality of thing.

A fair number of mums here are showing me this to be the case.

davidtennantsmistress · 12/03/2008 08:52

I hate the term single mum - it smacks that I chose this life when I didn't. also hate birth mother - i'm not the birth mother (well I am but) i'm his only mother. and any partner my X has will be his friend not his mother - same as any partner I have will be his friend and not his dad/father.

LD - we're not all bad - some of us bend over backwards for the fathers

Yorkiegirl · 12/03/2008 08:57

Message withdrawn

lostdad · 12/03/2008 08:58

davidtennantsmistress - I know...there's not a day goes by where I don't read at least one post from someone here and think `Bldy hell - I wish you were my ex'.

If you know what I mean!

davidtennantsmistress · 12/03/2008 09:03

lol. I do, and ah, maybe if we'd had time you'd have been my ex lol.

honestly thou it's frustrating to me for XH to only be interested when it's ok for him - he's a typical case of out of sight out of mind we really annoys me, but then I think well his loss! I know some mothers (in fact a friend of mine) has always used her son as a weapons against her ex - which if you ask me is just really unfair - knowing him as well, althou I don't know what went on behind their door at the end of the day he wasn't abusive so should be allowed the opportunity to see his son. she however decided from the off that it was all her way or no way with no compromise.

davidtennantsmistress · 12/03/2008 09:04


lostdad · 12/03/2008 09:10

Believe me...I'm far from happy with irresponsible, useless father in the world. [b]I[/b] would like to have a word with men who don't put their children's interest first.

It just reinforces the negative stereotype against us good ones and makes my situation harder!

gillybean2 · 12/03/2008 10:25

I think i prefer lone parent to single. After all some lone parents aren't actually single. My neighbour is a lone parent in terms of her older two, but her youngest one's dad is there, so she is a lone parent, but not single iyswim

The complexity and differences between everyones situations seems never ending. Lone parent implies many things (especially if you go with what the papers say), but the reality is very different as I think we can all show. It's hard to sum up so many different family situations in a single phrase, but lone parent doesn't bother me. But then I am alone, and sometimes it can be very lonely (in reference to the OP)


jamsambam · 12/03/2008 10:31

ive hate dthe 'lone parent' thing for years, i thought i was the only one!!

yes im single, but im still a parent, my realtionships dont have a bearing on my parenting ( i hope!!)

what about "multiple parents" for the pairs and "individual parents" for the rest of us!!!

beansmum · 12/03/2008 17:18

I'm not bothered how other people choose to label me, lone or single or whatever. I just think of myself as a full time mum and don't let my marital status affect my confidence in my (frankly amazing) parenting skills.

I wouldn't like to be thought of as a 'double parent'. I'm not mum and dad to ds. He has a dad who does his job (leaving us alone to get on with our lives) pretty well and I do my job.

FloraPosteschild · 12/03/2008 17:25

I don't like the phrase but I don't have to use it myself so that's Ok.

I usually end up saying, if I'm talking to someone, either 'I'm on my own' or 'I don't have a partner'.

Single is better than Lone imo. Lone is just a miserable word. Single sounds fairly jovial, comparatively!

I think there will never be a good way of saying it really. Like finding a nice word for 'verruca'.

FloraPosteschild · 12/03/2008 17:28

It is odd how I feel much more justified in existing, somehow, and more valid as a parent, now that I have two children.

Something to do with getting it more right the second time I suppose, maybe, or having the experience to qualify me for the post of parent, rather than just having fallen into it iyswim.

I feel almost as though people see me as having chosen it, which is oddly nice. More respectful in a way.

(I didn't choose it btw - well, I chose to keep the second baby, despite the man I thought was great turning into a b*stard and leaving us when I was just pregnant).

fordfiesta · 13/03/2008 13:29

I always hate saying 'single mum' or 'lone perants' because it implies (in my mind) that ds does not have a dad.... and he does!!! He might be a pillock but he is still his dad hence i am not in fact a lone perant as ds has 2 perants..... if you see what i mean. Am not sure what i would prefere to be called though.

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