Nothing to do for parents with primary age child im so so lonely

[Banana1979]

I’m so lonely and tearful at the moment
I have a DD age 8, I left her dad after years of violence - and him cheating on me .

i have some family and friends with children similar age however their parents are often busy weekends as it’s their days off so we can’t always come and visit every single week and of course it wouldn’t be fair if I came over every weekend when it’s their family time too
I work Monday - Friday and use after school clubs just so my daughter has something to do . After I pick her up it’s homework dinner and bed
I’m just sat on the sofa often staring at the wall as nothing on tv or mindlessly scrolling my phone . I’ve looked up activities on the weekend for single parents they all seem to be for under 5’s . Supportgroups during the week when DD is at school are all aimed at new parents . I would like to access support around single parent loneliness maybe a group with other single parents who have kids with primary age children to meet up and talk but there is nothing at all
right now watching the voice with DD who is falling asleep on me which is nice but I’m desperate for something to look forward to except work . I’ve booked Xmas grotto and theatre tickets to a local panto but again we’re going alone . It’s almost as if as soon as kids turn 6 anything for parents is non existent and you are left to get on with it . I used to go to a family support group up until DD turned 5 but it ended when she started school
im starting to think I was less Lonley the when I was with DD dad . I hate this feeling

Have you checked to see if gingerbread have a local meet up group in your area?

Aww that sounds tricky. She's old enough now though that you might be able to find an interest group you could join together? Not specifically for single parents but any group that you like the sound of that is open to both of you. Options around here (and I haven't specifically looked for this so just ones I've come across in passing that an adult and 8 yr old could do together) would include a karate group, the church choir, the community pantomime and a range of activities where you could be a helper and DD could attend (eg Brownies/Cubs). Many of them have weekend activities too, either regularly or now and then. I think the key would be to find something you would both enjoy doing. Then if you happen to meet people you get on with too that's great but if not then you have still enjoyed the activities. I hope you find something.

It's sooooo easy to get into the habit of doom scrolling through social media rather than investing in something positive. Could you start there - get into a routine of daily yoga (Adriene on YouTube is often recommended), or joining an online book club, learning a skill - knitting, music, Duolingo?

I've heard it said that we will not feel peace unless we are working towards a goal - what's your personal (achievable) goal?

Then maybe you will feel more positive about the difficult journey of building a support network of other parents 💐

Do you have a class WhatsApp? Could you put out some feelers via that - “I’ve booked the panto for 18th December, anyone else going or fancy it?”

Are there any social things you could join in on via school - join the PTA maybe?

Do you do the school run, if so can you chat to people there, it takes time but can a couple of minutes chat every few days can develop into friendships if you strike lucky and if you are a bit brave and say “hey fancy going for a coffee one day?” Worst that happens is they say oh sorry I can’t.

Look up the Frolo app. There's a whole community of single parents there and hopefully some in your local area to meet up with.

What about a kids club where parents get involved? IME which is probably quite location specific rugby and surf life saving are very friendly and bring parents into activities.

If she’s interested in joining scouts (or whatever it is at her age) you could volunteer there to meet people.

Does it need to be lone parents? Plenty of people I know are up for doing things at weekends. If I met a nice person with a child a similar age who got on with mine I'd be well up for meeting up at the weekend. I'm married but not glued at the hip.

I remember that feeling. You need to find other single mum friends. They are also looking for people to spend the weekend with

I get involved with any clubs DD is involved in and meet other adults/parents that way.

Thank you I did screenshot the help line to ask on Monday x

Thank you x this is such a good idea I didn’t think along the lines of is there a group we can do together . I hope there is

Look at Frolo.

very easy to join. Lots of events and activities going on. With or without kids.

where are you based OP?

Have you considered signing your DD up for something like rugby? You get to spend every Sunday wearing thick coats and drinking coffee at the side of a field chatting to the other mums! IME they’re all friendly.

Other sports can be similar. Anything that is regular and involves hours of the parents hanging around is a good way to get chatting to parents. Some of them will also be single mums.

Volunteering to be a brownies or scouts leader is also a very good shout. They’ll bite your hand off!

there is a class WhatsApp however nobody really uses it and there are only a few parents on there , I do know a couple of the mums to say hi to and we have made arrangements in the past but usually they end up as one offs because they have more than one child and work/ are busy doing their family thing
after school clubs are in the school and parents can’t participate but you and some others have given me ideas about other after school activities that I could join in on, I just hate being so lonely all the time and I don’t want to wallow in it or turn it into some self fulfilling prophecy
@Zippedydoodahday it doesn’t have to be lone parents at all , just want somewhere to go where I can meet others with my child x
thanks for all your lovely replies and taking the time out for me it means a lot

@Discointhekitchen I’ve never heard of Frolos I shall check this out
I am living in south Londonx

Thank you for your idea . She’s not that keen on sport but then again I haven’t explored it

If you have time during the day (or can make it work with work), volunteering for PTA stuff can help. Contrary to the image presented in MN, my experience of the PTA is that the women involved are really nice and delighted that you are willing to help set up and then help put by running a game or food stall at the school disco or Christmas fair.

In general, there are loads of things that you can volunteer for around children and people are totally delighted about it.

My DS used to swim competitively. I volunteered and became a swimming judge. Gave me something to do during galas, meant I got to know all the officials and helpers, and I often got a bottle of wine for officiating at galas too. Other parents volunteered to marshal the events and look after the kids. Or various other things.

If you can, step forward for something and you’ll meet loads of people with kids the same age.

Doesn’t have to be sport. There are loads of options.

And loads of sport. If she’s not keen on sport, rugby might be a bit of a push! But there are nice, indoor, options that don’t involve diving around in the mud out there. 😆

Have you tried junior parkrun ? You dont have to run it - but ime it’s always friendly and inclusive and if you go week in week out you will meet the same people and get chatting. They also rely on volunteers too and you could probably volunteer for actual parkrun with your daughter in tow and get to know that crowd too

If you’re in London/ south east, you’ll get a lot out of Frolo.

I’d say that’s where majority of events are held. The app allows you to set up your own ‘event’, which can be something like a trip to the British museum (as an example).

you just need to say you’re planning to go there with your DS/DD and see if anyone wants to join. There are also things like people posting for trips to theatre etc.

So you can join someone’s activity or organise your own. There’s often things like Sunday lunch with kids etc.

@Banana1979 Hi I have an only and I'm so used to taking my DS out by myself. Have you researched trampoline parks? Ball pools? You can dona day trip some where. Rock climbing? Swimming class? I think at 8 you will naturally meet parents put and about. In summer I always do a seaside trip and we go on the train, sometimes we will stay in cities such as York for the night or Manchester and just do kids activities. Zoo trips are good fun too.