Please help...I've raised my kids mostly as a single parent. Ex husband sees kids 2 weekend every month and calls me a bad mum anytime I've disciplined our kids. I've told their dad numerous times to take take legal action if he thinks im a bad mum but so we can split access but nope he just likes to mouth off. I have zero family support (we aren't close) and since my dad died our divide has widened. I also have no friends. My ex isolated me from them all and since ive been raising the kids alone i have dedicated my life to them. Tonight my 15 Yr old son left to stay with his dad. We had an argument regarding his behaviour and I warned him a few months ago if he continues then he could live with his dad as I wouldn't tolerate it under my roof. Today whilst at work my son called me and told me he got into fight with another kid at school. I was so angry I told him to pack his stuff and go live with his dad and told him he was a "waste of space" as its a constant roller coaster of things with him especially over the last 4 months. When I got home we had another argument and I went out of the house to clear my head and his dad called and basically stuck up for him and then told me that I can't speak to his child like that or say he is a "waste of space" as he wouldn't tolerate it from me! I blew my top and said I wouldn't take parenting advice from someone who only does 13% of the parenting and I won't be told what to say under my own roof. My ex also told if I made him homeless then I run the risk of my son never talking to me again. I pointed out he was going to stay with his dad not on the streets. When I got home i was so angry at my son for telling his dad what I said I took his phone off him and we had another argument. I went to my bedroom and broke down in tears because I'm so disappointed in my son and dont know what I've done wrong. My son and I have talked before about his behaviour and that actions have consequences. I didn't want him to leave (I just wanted to scare him) and told him to tell his dad not to pick him up and to put his stuff back in his room. I went back to my room and cried again then heard my son leave with his dad. My other child didn't even flinch that I was sobbing. I've just realised that nobody actually cares about my feelings or would miss me if I just packed my bags and left. I have no family I can turn too,no friends. My life has been my kids and nothing else,no romance, no deep friendships...nothing. I honestly don't know what to do or who to turn too. I just want to go sleep and not wake up and I have imagined doing something to take the pain away. Please help me...