As the title says really ex is a very part time dad - there is a lot of backstory. He has one child full time because he is of financial gain to him and meant he could quit his job to claim his disability benefits etc and meant he also doesn't have to pay any csa - csa had just started a deduction of wages when this all happened. He owes £5k and has now put in a claim against me for this child.
He sees the other children once a fortnight for one overnight, after lunch until 9 the next morning. Isn't involved in their day to day lives, not interested in school etc etc despite not working (kid living with him is secondary school age and actually requires no day to day care really beyond that of a child his age)
However every now and then he starts to play the doting parent, when it suits. Tonight for example, I have arranged a nice Halloween dinner, a little treat for the kids as we were staying home - sticker book/craft toy, we've decorated the house, done pumpkins etc and have a Halloween party with games etc planned for the weekend. Daughter decides after school she wanted to trick or treat, I don't have the money to buy costumes, I also don't really like to trick or treat, I had a pot of sweets ready so said no. Child then texts dad and suddenly dad is replying saying he's so sorry and he'll make sure next Halloween is a big deal for them etc. Then the gf turns up to pick them up so he can take them trick or treating with 10 mins notice. (With no costumes)
He's done this at various other times, goes from seeing them once a month to then saying I'm stopping him seeing them and makes out it's my fault to the kids (I would happily do 50/50 I am struggling financially to work round the kids) I used to always ask him to have them more to be met with some excuse, I don't ask anymore.
He's bad mouthed me to eldests nurse, written emails cc ing me in being sarcastic and trying to make me look bad. Saying I was withholding equipment even though I had text son several times (ex has blocked me)
I just find it frustrating one that he isn't bothered most of the time so why butt in now and mainly him badmouthing me to the kids and making out im the unreasonable one stopping the contact etc when it's him! It's just so unfair, he seems to always get his way, he was controlling when we were together and he emotionally manipulates the kids to get his own way it actually makes me feel sick.
I find the whole situation so frustrating, tbh sometimes I think it would be easier if he would just completely disappear as he's so unreliable, although I wouldn't actually want that for the kids.
Luckily this far they kids seem to take in his excuses and don't seem too effected on the outside which I guess is a plus, I just hate this playing off between us it makes life so difficult and the kids are always a bit off when they come home.
Everyone keeps saying when they get older they will realise etc but I'm so fed up of being the boring, sensible, responsible one etc while dad bigs himself up to them and pops in only when he fancies.