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Kids and phones

7 replies

sparkiesparkle · 27/10/2023 16:51

My narc ex and his girlfriend have said they will not see the children EOW if they insist on bringing their phones. This is apparently because I interfere. My daughter called me once when at their house because she felt unhappy about going to the forest. She’s 15, just a typical teen. They don’t want her or her brothers to call me. Even if they want to. I never call them. Now my daughter is saying she won’t go without her phone, she ikes to chat to her friends. I think she should be allowed this outlet as the sibling of two brothers with SEN
I feel very uneasy about this. He hasn’t made a request, he has ordered me to not send them with phones. The two boys are autistic, they cope better with the transition if they have their phones. Also there has been no contact for months unless at my house which I can no longer tolerate. They barely know his gf, have been to their flat once.
social workers( involved with my sons) are aware of him and the situation, and agree with me.

I don’t know what I’m asking. But I’ve pretty much come to a decision that this is not in their best interests. I’ve tried to facilitate a relationship between the children and their father, even though he uses contact to control me. I’m tired and stressed. Fed up of him and his gf. I feel like just stopping contact over this. There is not CAO in place.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 27/10/2023 16:59

kids aged 11/12 are considered legally capable of deciding how much contact they have with each parent so your ex can't take you to court with regards to child contact. Your 15yo is old enough to understand the implications of that decision too.
While I understand that it's annoying that the kids are calling you to complain about their time there, I understand why she wants to remain connected to her friends too.
How long is contact? If it's less than a few hours then making it no phone time is not as unreasonable than if they go for days.
Yanbu to say no contact at your house. With Christmas coming up, you're going to have to be strong with your boundaries.

sparkiesparkle · 27/10/2023 17:22

Contact will be from Saturday through to Sunday evening. She has told me she doesn’t want to go so that’s that. I’ve tried to be reasonable. Suggested he downloads a parenting app. Talked about the boys and their needs but all he keeps stating is no phones. He hasn’t talked about anything related to parenting. He wants to control our daughter, obviously.

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cocksstrideintheevening · 27/10/2023 17:30

Well he's on a fast route to completely pushing her away. He's effectively cutting off her social life which at 15 (no offence op!) will be very important to her.

sparkiesparkle · 27/10/2023 17:41

Yes, it’s almost her lifeline. Apart from me,,she has her friends. They’re such a tight supportive group, with great parents too. We all get on so well with each other, which is the reason he wants the no phone rule I suspect. To start isolating her.
He has always tried to be decisive amongst the children, I’ve always stopped it. I never realised his ultimate goal until now, to control her. She is so headstrong, so focussed, popular at school, intelligent, beautiful. And happy. All he wants is to destroy her

OP posts:
sparkiesparkle · 27/10/2023 17:42

divisive that should say

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BoohooWoohoo · 27/10/2023 18:22

It's out of your hands then. He's a fool for not realising that he has forced his kids to go to NC by being inflexible.

romdowa · 27/10/2023 18:29

Honestly he's trying to make it your problem. If he doesn't want them to have the phone, let him try to remove them from the kids. Bet he doesn't want to have to deal with that hassle , which is why he wants you to. Ignore him and let him do his own dirty work.

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