Apparently I'm not allowed to have emotions?

[BibbleandSqwauk]

Haven't posted on here in ages but..DC's are early teens and hitting a new stage of being angry at their dad for leaving years ago for ow. They're angry at him, fine, but also at me if I express any annoyance, exasperation or irritation at them, their general teen laziness or anything else. DD made a quite hurtful piss taking comment imitating me saying they need to help more (I work full time). I must admit I didn't swallow it, I showed that it had upset me. She's now hiding in her room and abandoned what had been a rare nice night with her brother. Am I never allowed to show any emotion at all? As I just a sponge / punch bag??

Yes you are.
You are a person too.
This is the time that they can start to learn empathy, and that other people also have feelings. Don't let yourself be a ghost - you're not (just) their emotional support human.

Thank you. Just feel I incredibly isolated and alone. My parents are great but getting on and can't take the brunt for much time if I wanted a weekend away with dp..great guy but not a step parent. They are increasingly ambivalent about their dad and his priorities. I know the whole "when they're adults thing..." But that doesn't help much right now

Can you try to leave them with your parents for a bit, even if not the whole weekend?
Ideally a day and night, but even half a day regularly so that you have time to breathe.

Teenagers are so incredibly selfish. That doesn't mean that you should have to be at the bottom of the pile in your family. You did the right thing by telling her you won't be spoken to like you don't matter.

Children need to see that other people have feelings. If they have hurt your feelings you are allowed to show it. If they have been rude to you, you are allowed to say so and shouldn't put up with it.

As long as you aren't using manipulation tactics such as sulking and passive aggression, you can express your feelings.

They can't help how they feel regarding their father, but they can help how they behave to other people and this is when they are learning to do that.

You can show them, but YABU for expecting your children to help you deal with your emotions- that's too scary and hard for them. You need to enlist a therapist or good friends for that and take care of yourself - children who grow up being responsible for their parents emotions end up in terrible relationships when they're older

You are allowed to have emotions and I think it's important for kids to learn the impact that their words and actions can have on parents. Not in a manipulative way but just in an honest way. My mum used to tell me that she found words I used as a teenager hurtful and I look back and realise I was very difficult to live with at times and I'm grateful she did tell me now.

Your dd might come around once she's had time to process things.

I think you are not just allowed to have emotions, it is developmentally important that you are honest about them with your children in a way that doesn’t make you children emotionally responsible for you. Teens are completely self centred, it is developmental lot appropriate that they start to learn that tue whole works does not revolve around them at this stage.

I know that adolescents are known for saying whatever randomly pops into their brain but they have to learn to try and not to. Pointing out when they are out of order will also hopefully come in handy navigating friendships during this turbulent time in their life.