Single parent to 14 yo boy putting zero effort into family life

[Ferniebrook]

Hi all,

I have one child - a 14 yo boy. He’s a kind boy but is doing nothing apart from screens and games with his friends. He is bright & doing well at school but minimal effort.

i’ve virtually given up on trips away just us because he doesn’t want to, which is understandable. I do though think we should still do some things as a family. Today I said we would take the dog for a walk together and go to a cafe, he made such a fuss about it I gave up and got v cross. I feel like I give him so much and totally understand he mostly wants to be with his friends, but he should make some effort in relation to family.

I give him a lot of support with homework (making sure he does it) which causes friction to and I’m wondering if I should just take a step back and enforce some time off screens but otherwise leave him to it. I feel a bit sad because possibly if there were two parents or siblings family activity might be more appealing.

Any thoughts welcome x

I think it’s more of an age thing than having 2 parents or siblings. I’m a single mum of 4. My oldest is a 13 year old boy and he is exactly the same. If I’m taking the younger ones out somewhere then he prefers to stay home on his PlayStation. I don’t push him into anything unless it’s a planned full day trip somewhere, I remember what I was like as a teen.
My 13 year old does play football for a local team and I make sure I’m there for every training session and match I possibly can be and the 2 of us also sit and watch the team we support on the tv whenever it’s on.
Family time doesn’t always mean going places. I felt guilty when he decided to stop doing things with us because I didn’t want him to feel left out but it was his choice and now mine and his time pretty much revolves around his interest in football and he’s more than happy with that.
As for homework he knows I’m here if he needs help but I don’t actively get involved in it. He needs to take responsibility and if it’s not completed then he will face the consequences in school.

I think it’s an age thing, I remember being 13/14 and not wanting to do any family things with my parents… lasted a few years then I ‘came back’ in a way. Same story with a my brother!