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Original poster

Using 'missing his child' to get at me

8 replies

beigevase · 13/10/2023 12:53

Recently separated from exH. He is emotionally abusive with narcissistic tendencies.

He hasn't seen DS (5) for over 2 weeks now. I haven't stopped him from seeing him.

I have blocked him on all formats and have created a separate email address for him to message about DS only.

This morning he sent me an email saying how much he missed DS. He then goes on to say how he hopes I am ok and that he still wants us to be friends blah blah blah....

I responded only about the DS part and offered context this weekend - even though I've never taken it away. I said either day would be ok but Sunday would be the best day. He responded with his working tomorrow apparently....no mention of Sunday. He then goes on to carry on apologising for all the pain and trauma he's put me through.

I ignored that completely and told him that Sunday was still ok and he could also collect him from school one day a week for tea. He replied with he doesnt know whats happening with work on sunday and we will sort something out. Also that he has plans to move slightly out of our city but 'dont worry, I'll still be there for you all'.....and to remember that he loves me

Absolute bollocks! He isnt missing ds. If he was, he would be desperate to see him! I can guarantee hes either out all weekend or he will have plans with his next victim.....his next supply.

His words dont match his actions once again.

I should have just left it but I responded with 'i wont be walked all over with ds. If you are missing him then you should put him first over your other plans' and told him not to respond.

How do you deal with it when they just use the dc to get at you?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 13/10/2023 18:16

You ignore it. He obviously doesn’t want to see him that much.

BananaSlug · 13/10/2023 20:13

ignore it unless he asks to see your child? I don’t think 2 weeks is that long though.

Original poster
beigevase · 13/10/2023 20:32

BananaSlug · 13/10/2023 20:13

ignore it unless he asks to see your child? I don’t think 2 weeks is that long though.

It's not but it's gone from seeing him daily to nothing so for ds it's quite a long time. It's been now closer to 3 weeks and I haven't stopped contact at all. I know I couldn't go that long without seeing my kids so it just makes me so sad for ds.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 13/10/2023 20:43

You have to ignore everything that is not about DS.

Doesn't matter if you occasionally don't stick to it, but do your best.

As you told him not to respond, then it gets a little awkward, because you do actually need him to be in touch about contact.

Perhaps tomorrow morning, send an email stating when DS will be available for contact on Sunday, and which evening/s this coming week and ask him to confirm if he will be seeing his son on any of those occasions.

Ignore all parts of any reply except for arrangements to see DS.

If he makes none, then decide which day of the week you will send him DS's availability for the coming weekend and evenings the next week. And do that weekly (until you have established a pattern which means you can d it less often) and see if he steps up.

BananaSlug · 13/10/2023 20:54

Unfortunately you get use to it now you’ve broken up it’s quite normal for the NRP to not bother much. My ex hasn’t seen the kids since may… eow contact is standard contact.

Stressfordays · 13/10/2023 20:58

You can get a little stricter with your offers of contact. For example 'dc will be available 11am-4pm on Sunday. I need to know by Friday 3pm otherwise I will make other arrangements' then stick to it.

Firsttimemum120 · 13/10/2023 20:59

I hope I have your strength one day. It is long two weeks 14 whole days as a mother I couldn’t do that long so why can a father is long my child’s dad does this the a lot of the time and it’s evidentially that they don’t want the kids they want us to be hurt and that’s the point they want to make us pay for what ever we aren’t agreeing with. It’s a never ending cycle.

Original poster
beigevase · 13/10/2023 21:03

Firsttimemum120 · 13/10/2023 20:59

I hope I have your strength one day. It is long two weeks 14 whole days as a mother I couldn’t do that long so why can a father is long my child’s dad does this the a lot of the time and it’s evidentially that they don’t want the kids they want us to be hurt and that’s the point they want to make us pay for what ever we aren’t agreeing with. It’s a never ending cycle.

It's mad. He has absolutely zero time for ds yet he will come round straight away to finish some work on my house that needs doing.

I had to send him a separate email to ask for a workman's number he has as I really need to get some work finished on my house. That response was 'please let me come and do it'

It's all just a way of worming himself back in. Having ds on his own isn't going to get him anywhere so he's not interested.

OP posts:
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