I just need to get this off my chest. Can anyone relate?

[a647gjf]

My 5 year old has come back from his dads tonight and absolutely sobbed his heart out at bed time because he misses his dad. He didn't come back until 7pm today, he wanted to stay with his dad and last night he was crying at bed time (at his dads) because he didn't want to come back to mine today because he'll miss his dad.

I know I need to try and not take it personally but I can't help but feel absolutely shite and like I'm doing an awful job. For context, I have them (there's two of them age 4 and 5) through the week and their dad has them Monday night, Friday night and Saturday night. Works pretty well for us. Until this last week, 5yo been getting upset at bed time a lot saying about how he misses daddy. I just feel like I can't compete with what they give him at his dads. There's dad and his partner and she's great with them, so are her parents and they're all really close and all have lovely super fun weekends. Whereas through the week, it's just me with them, after school I can't really take them out anywhere after school, I'm busy cooking and tidying and cleaning, home work, baths and bed time etc. I try my best, I really do. But if I was in his shoes I know which house I'd prefer to be at too. I'm heartbroken and I don't really know what I can do.

It isn't working for your wee boy though. I don't understand why your ex has him every weekend. Of course that'll be more fun. I think you maybe need to change arrangements so you can have fun time with him too

But you’re not getting any weekend time with your DC? Why not?

It would be standard for a child to spend alternative weekends with the non-resident parent, so they get weekend time with the resident parent too. You are basically doing all the donkey work during the work (homework, school uniforms, packed lunches etc) and dad has all the weekend to go out and have fun. The children should experience parents in all contexts - is it possible for dad to do a mid-week night, because you should have every other weekend with DC.

In short, the children need to be able to relax and do outings with you too at the weekend.

Agree, my ex and I have our son for two weeks each so we both get some weekend time. He's a bit older but talking about what we'll do at the weekend gets him excited and helps get through the school week.

Thank you for your advice everyone, I think I'm going to speak with their dad about sharing weekends, that's probably the best solution going forward

The other thing I am wondering is that you have to do every Sunday night/Monday morning which is when the DC have to go back to school. So going back to yours is associated with the start of the week and school. If you switch to alternative weekends, dad could do Friday pick up from school through to Monday drop off at school and then one day mid-week, maybe Thursday.

Are you doing all the school uniform laundry and packing it for DC or does dad have clothes there?

When I was thinking about this again last night, I just thought you are missing all the opportunities for things as simple as taking DC swimming, to museums, the park and library - it does not have to cost a lot. Even just having a move night when they don’t have to go to school the next day. I am sure DC would love to snuggle with their mum on a Saturday night and watch a movie. I mean, you are their mum, they should have a chance to spend weekends with you too.

I hope you get it sorted it.

Yeah definitely get some quality time at the weekend yourself. Maybe offer another overnight in the week and then have every other weekend