Kids party- what are my rights?

farthingwood5 · 2023-10-06T17:24:09+00:00

currently in weird custody situation. social services doing an assessment into abusive ex. Visits are supervised at the moment we didn’t have an arrangement set in stone for next weekend but with current schedule would be supervised visit weekend (supervisor Ex FIL) I said to FIL are we doing the visit and if so DD has been invited to a party and is desperate to go. They wouldn’t reply to me so I said yes to party and told them I’d said yes and said any problems for you I can take her there. they then said they will do the weekend visit and ‘we might book something for all day. We will get back to you’. Now days later they’ve decided they’ve booked something all day, to be petty, so her party has to be cancelled and she will be gutted what are my rights here? Do I just have to suck it up and upset DD (and her friends parents). Or can I refuse? They are being petty and trying to control me still but it’s just spiting her! Help please

Dessertinthedesert · 06/10/2023 18:26

Are the visits court ordered?

OppsUpsSide · 06/10/2023 18:28

You need to stick to the contact arrangement

Alphyn · 06/10/2023 18:34

Stick to the schedule, don’t make any commitments (playdates, parties, etc) for the dates/times she is due to be with him. Next time, if a similar situation arises, make sure that your DD and the other parents/friends know that the decision lies with your ex, so that it’s not your fault if invitations have to be declined.

Original poster

farthingwood5 · 06/10/2023 19:12

It’s not a court arrangement, I’ve just been accepting what they’ve suggested in terms of a schedule as I’ve been trying to be as reasonable as possible

OP posts:

CyberCritical · 06/10/2023 19:33

If there's no formal agreement then just say 'sorry, as per my message on xx DD has been invited to a party, you didn't reply to confirm any arrangement so I went ahead and accepted the party. As such I cannot agree your late notice request for visitation. Let's get the next visit booked in with plenty of notice, how about [enter date], will that be acceptable to you, let me know by [enter date] or I'll make alternative arrangements.

IsItUs · 06/10/2023 19:38

Yep. If there's no child arrangements court order, you don't need to send her to them. Take her to the party.

jocktamsonsbairn · 06/10/2023 19:54

CyberCritical · 06/10/2023 19:33

If there's no formal agreement then just say 'sorry, as per my message on xx DD has been invited to a party, you didn't reply to confirm any arrangement so I went ahead and accepted the party. As such I cannot agree your late notice request for visitation. Let's get the next visit booked in with plenty of notice, how about [enter date], will that be acceptable to you, let me know by [enter date] or I'll make alternative arrangements.

This. 100% sends a clear message that your dd comes first and you won't be playing games. They need to communicate and not arse your dd and you around. Parties are so
Important to wee kids.

Incognito2023 · 06/10/2023 20:01

CyberCritical · 06/10/2023 19:33

If there's no formal agreement then just say 'sorry, as per my message on xx DD has been invited to a party, you didn't reply to confirm any arrangement so I went ahead and accepted the party. As such I cannot agree your late notice request for visitation. Let's get the next visit booked in with plenty of notice, how about [enter date], will that be acceptable to you, let me know by [enter date] or I'll make alternative arrangements.

This ⬆️
Set your boundaries, they didn’t reply and your child needs to know what is going to happen. You have been reasonable, no need to be a pushover (and disappoint your DC)

PurpleBugz · 07/10/2023 00:19

CyberCritical · 06/10/2023 19:33

If there's no formal agreement then just say 'sorry, as per my message on xx DD has been invited to a party, you didn't reply to confirm any arrangement so I went ahead and accepted the party. As such I cannot agree your late notice request for visitation. Let's get the next visit booked in with plenty of notice, how about [enter date], will that be acceptable to you, let me know by [enter date] or I'll make alternative arrangements.

Absolutely this^^