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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Both DC sharing the same bed as their dad during custody.

24 replies

Beansoncrumpets · 06/10/2023 12:45

Hi,

I have two sons age 7 and (nearly 9), and since me and their father have split a few years ago, they have been sharing the same bedroom, and bed as him. He usually has them 2 nights each week.

As far as I’m aware they all sleep in a double bed together. He lives with his mother in a 3 bedroom house, and there is nobody else living at the property, so there is a spare bedroom where the DC could have their own beds/room.

Now they’re both getting older, I was wondering if this is appropriate, and whether to mention anything to him?

OP posts:

ThisMustBeMyDream · 06/10/2023 12:47

I wouldn't. My son shared a double with his dad until he was around 10. Didn't bother me, him, or anyone else.
Personally I don't see an issue. Eventually dad may put a single and bunks in the room for them or something, but I don't think it is currently an issue. My boys would much prefer to sleep in my bed. It's me who wants my space 🫣.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 06/10/2023 12:48

My boys who want to sleep in my bed are 8 and almost 11 BTW!

DustyLee123 · 06/10/2023 14:04

I shared a double with my mum until I went to high school.

mushroomushroom · 06/10/2023 14:13

I'm 36 and still share a double bed with my mum when I'm visiting 😂 at the age your DSs are I also slept in with my mum. As long as they have the option of their own room, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

Aposterhasnoname · 06/10/2023 14:18

Pfft, when I was staying with my parents after divorce DD shared a bed with me for a year, and she was 15. There was a spare room for her too. She chose to share.

PatFussy · 06/10/2023 14:26

I share a bed with my 7 year old.

Original poster

Beansoncrumpets · 06/10/2023 15:04

Just for the record, I haven’t ever mentioned it before, and I’m not funny about it. I just wanted an unbiased opinion.

They don’t have their own room, they eat, sleep, watch TV, play etc in their dads bedroom, his mum doesn’t like them downstairs.

Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:

ReadyForPumpkins · 06/10/2023 15:09

I thought you are going to say it's a boy and girl and one of them is a tween. As they are both boys, it's totally ok. Sometimes I book a hotel with two double beds and my girls have to share. It's better to be a double bed than sofa beds.

ReadyForPumpkins · 06/10/2023 15:10

I think it's the case that it's better to have their own bedrooms, and failing them, have their own beds. I'ts not ideal, but it's ok.

Crunchingleaf · 06/10/2023 15:43

I think it’s fine as a temporary thing, but they don’t seem to have their own space there which they will need as they get older. The set up really sounds like they visit their dad instead of having two homes. It’s up to your ex to make an effort to change that as it’s him that suffers long term.

Goldenboysmum · 06/10/2023 15:51

OP, seriously, I would be more concerned that the boys gran doesn't like them downstairs.

What kind of gran doesn't want to spend at least a wee bit time with her grandchildren. I get they can be tiring , but eating meals in the room as well, I find that very sad 😪 and if I'm honest I wouldn't want my children there!

Justleaveitblankthen · 06/10/2023 16:10

Ah how sad to read about their own grandmother not wanting them downstairs 😟
It seems to me that their Dad is doing the best he can under the circumstances and it sounds a lovely, cosy fun set up to be honest.

BananaSlug · 06/10/2023 19:31

It’s fine. My ex wanted 4 of our kids to share a double bed 🤣

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/10/2023 19:50

Justleaveitblankthen · 06/10/2023 16:10

I agree it sounds sweet and they won't be able to be all cozy for much longer. I'm sure if the boys are uncomfortable they'd tell you or him.

rentreenothanks · 06/10/2023 19:55

My 11 yr old would share a bed with me every night if I let her! I see no problem.
I would however have a problem with the grandmother not allowing them downstairs.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/10/2023 19:55

Is he trying to find alternative accommodation? It must be awkward spending most of their time in one room, THAT is not normal, bed sharing if they are all happy to is not a problem imo.

WrongSwanson · 06/10/2023 20:02

The bit about their grandmother would bother me, not the bed sharing.

thelonemommabear · 10/10/2023 20:13

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I wouldn't be happy with it. It's a bit different if they have their own beds and just wander in in the night out of their own choice but to be forced to share a bed with an adult regularly is wrong

pinkfondu · 11/10/2023 06:03

How to the boys feel about it? Do you know yours exs longer term plans re moving out?

RecycleMePlease · 11/10/2023 06:18

Mine are 13 an 10, and would happily share a bed with each other, and it's only that they're way too big for all three of us in one bed that we don't share at the weekend anymore... they'd pile in in a second if I let them!

Luxurybeliefspreader · 11/10/2023 12:17

Sounds like you have come to your own conclusion here that when you add everything up together it's not ok and is not fulfilling your needs for a relationship.
It's good you know and can now move on without him before getting further entangled.

Be prepared for him telling you he loves and adores you and can't live without you as soon as you do end it though.

Lavenderosa · 11/10/2023 12:24

"they eat, sleep, watch TV, play etc in their dads bedroom, his mum doesn’t like them downstairs."

This is the problem, not that they sleep with Dad. Poor boys, being treated like that by Granny - is your ex controlled by his mother?

elkiedee · 16/11/2023 20:17

So your ex has had to move in with his mum. Perhaps he normally spends a lot of his time in his room even when the kids aren't there, but whatever, it might not be his choice that they're not provided with somewhere to sleep in his mum's house, and that they have to stay in his room when they're there.

Sandalholidays12 · 18/11/2023 13:03

My concern would be aren't they squashed? 3 people in a double bed. Yes it's odd that there's a spare room and it's going to waste. Just say aren't you all squashed... how do your Son's feel?

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