50/50 dispute

[xx200xx]

Has anyone been through the court process of dad wanting 50/50?

I live over an hour away from my child’s father and he’s asked for 50/50 in court. I have said every weekend with me having 1 weekend a month with our child. My child’s not school age just yet but eventually will be.

Has anyone had similar experience and what was the outcome?

50/50 Should be the starting point, but can understand if it is logistically hard that could be tricky. Is there the opportunity for either party to relocate closer to the other parent? If both parents are committed and good parents then 50/50 should be aimed for as it is the fairest outcome for both parents, and in the eyes of the court in the best interest of the child. Could you do one week on, one week off as an alternative?

I was in refuge because of father, so I definitely can't move back and he can't move closer.
I still don't get how that would work with nursery, our child is 2 and would be exhausted by the time he got to nursery

If you were in a refuge because of him- then that changes my answer entirely. Have you sought any legal advice?

Yes we have been through many court cases, we have only just started overnight contact but he is now seeking 50/50

All you can do is fight it OP. 50:50 seem as fair to the parents but realistically not fair on many children. A person who abuses their child’s other parent is quite often a very bad parent in other respects and will frequently put their interests above those of their own child’s. Demanding 50:50 when overnight contact has only just begun with a very young child is not appropriate.

All you can do is get legal advice and make the best case you can that 50:50 is not in best interests of the child. When abuse is involved it’s vital that you fight as hard as you can to protect the child.

In the case of nursery he could theoretically use one near him as lots of kids attend 2 settings.

Long term 50:50 wouldn't work because of distance. Assuming that 1 hour is normal traffic conditions, it could be longer in rush hour which means leaving very early in the morning.

Most councils use the tie breaker of which parent has the child most of weekdays if it's 50/50. You'll need to check with your council but if you do 50/50, make sure you aren't tricked into less than 50% of weekdays so he gets to pick a school near his address.

Keep your argument in court child focused. Focus on the long journey and how nursery/school etc won't work with 50/50.

I'm a few years out of date now but when I went through court with an abusive ex I was in a couple online groups and the standard contact was every other weekend and a weekday tea/overnight. Based on this I'd say your offer is reasonable and you have a good chance. I'd stress how the child deserves quality time with both parents which is why you need that weekend together each month and request once child starts school and starts making friendships they want to persue out of school every other week may be best for the child to facilitate their social development with peers.

Do you think this is financially motivated? 50/50 means no maintenance. My ex wanted full custody but once he realised he was never going to get that he reduced his demands to just enough to have him pay less maintenance. Then after a couple years he got a new gf and cancelled as much as he sees them.

You need to learn how to be a grey rock. Don't let him get a kick out of controlling you and he hopefully will move on.

Also while I hated court and hated the court order once court was done I realised how amazing the order was for protecting me from his fucking games arranging contact. I just had to reply "court order say xyz so I will be following that" when ever he tried to mess things about and control me. I actually requested we don't have to agree anything between ourselves outside of the order for holiday contact. I gave up 3 Christmas in a row and the same for birthdays so we could have the every other week pattern and not have to negotiate around holidays. He gets October half term and has to give me 2 months notice for the 2 weeks he wants in the summer holidays (and he did one year then hasn't bother to have holiday contact since!) actually he even cancelled having them Christmas one year. I never showed how hard it was to have my kids away from me with him, I made a point of working when I didn't have to pay for childcare and having a social life, once he realised he could fuck my plans up cancel contact last minute he started with that.

It's all games with abusive ex. Don't exactly play him back as it's a child in the middle but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he gets to you.