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Original poster

should i agree to his demands please help advice needed

23 replies

mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:35

i am pregnant by someone who doest want me to have the baby and has told me they dont want to be in the childs life and i am never to tell the child about them, i have told them i am keeping the child and dont want or expect anything from them including financial help. they have contacted a solicitor and are saying they want me to sign a legal agreement that i will never claim child maintenance from them as they earn a lot of money. i have no intention of claiming child maintenance but i dont want to sign a document. can someone please help me as i cannot afford a solicitor as all my wages is being saved to buy things/support the baby and its a expense i can ill afford thank you in advance

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 05/10/2023 23:38

Refuse to sign
He can’t force you.

tell him you’ll sign if he pays x amount of money- he’ll soon leave you alone

Namerequired · 05/10/2023 23:40

Do not sign, why would you? He can’t make you sign or make you not keep the baby. Just block and ignore him.

purpleme12 · 05/10/2023 23:45

Wow what on earth.
I can see why you're feeling bullied OP.
But don't sign. Less contact with this person the better.

Original poster
mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:48

thank you for your advice x

OP posts:
Original poster
mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:48

thank you for your advice x

OP posts:
Original poster
mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:49

thank you for your advice, the whole time all he has been worried about is himself. would rather not have him in mine or the Childs life no matter what he earns. money is not everything

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2023 23:52

Why would you not claim maintenance? He is just as responsible for this child as you are.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 05/10/2023 23:55

Children aren’t pay per view. Even if he doesn’t want contact there’s nothing to stop you making a CMS claim. I would recommend that you do.

Original poster
mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:56

because he is toxic, controlling and i dont agree with taking money from someone who is not in my or my Childs life. i can provide for my daughter without their involvement

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 05/10/2023 23:59

Just ignore it.
He can't make you sign it
He can't dictate what you talk to you child about either.
He's clutching at straws and solicitors will draft any document you ask them to for a fee.

emmylousings · 06/10/2023 00:03

Don't sign that document. But do look into the law re parental responsibility, he has the right to be on the birth certificate, anit creates legal responsibilities which matter.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/10/2023 00:06

mammat72 · 05/10/2023 23:56

because he is toxic, controlling and i dont agree with taking money from someone who is not in my or my Childs life. i can provide for my daughter without their involvement

Then block him and never communicate with him again. It's an easy solution.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 06/10/2023 00:06

It takes 2 to tango, he is financially responsible for this baby. He can't force you to sign anything or to terminate so don't let him bully you and contact CMS when the baby is born. If it makes you feel better put the money in to a trust or isa for the baby when he or she is older. Be glad he doesn't want anything to do with the baby because he sounds like an awful human being.

Dotcheck · 06/10/2023 00:07

Don’t sign. Tell him to shove it

Atethehalloweenchocs · 06/10/2023 00:35

This is abusive. Could Womens Aid help?

Original poster
mammat72 · 06/10/2023 00:37

thankyou i have found their website and will have a live chat with someone tommorow

OP posts:
Blueeyedmale · 06/10/2023 00:42

I agree this is abuse,also think its disgusting some men think they can just get their dick wet and not take any responsibility, he is responsible financially for that child,but I hear you when you say you don't want anything from him,block the bastard and give you and your child a happy life,excuse my language but what a c**t of an excuse for a man

BabyFireflyx · 06/10/2023 00:45

Sign nothing. He legally has to pay maintenance. It's his choice whether or not to have contact. This sounds like he's only concerned about his money, he's not interested whatsoever in access to the child.
Do not sign anything and do put in a claim for maintenance when baby is born. He will be made to pay, because that's the law. Put it into a savings account for the baby.
If he did want access he would have to go through courts, and this is clearly not what he's interested in.
Do not put him on the birth certificate and also make sure you give baby your last name. The child can't legally change their surname if it's his without his permission until the age of 16. If he is named on the birth certificate (he'd have to go with you for the appointment anyway) then he will have equal parental responsibility to you, with all that entails.
You don’t know how things will change in the future. But he is liable for maintenance. He might one day seek access. Protect what you can now. It'll serve you both well in the future.

Original poster
mammat72 · 17/10/2023 22:50

he has now messaged and said he thinks its only fair he is involved in the child's life. funny no mention of the solicitors letter. probably because they have told him he does'nt have a leg to stand on. still being nasty oh what fun the next 18 years are going to be

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 18/10/2023 07:52

Strategic b**r isn't he.

Make sure you know all the rules and play it by the book so no criticism can be aimed at you legally.
Don't let him intimidate you, all decisions made in the child best interests are the right ones.
Sorry to hear he's being nasty.

Original poster
mammat72 · 21/10/2023 00:39

oh i have found out if he continues to abuse me i can take out a non molestation injunction,i am lucky as i am easy going so any abuse i dont rise to, he has blocked me atm so hopefully have a bit of piece for a while before he kicks off with his next drama or demands

OP posts:
airofkfoeksowlwomfo · 23/10/2023 09:21

I mean this kindly as I have been in your exact situation.

Take control and stop letting him control you.

Break the toxic cycle.

Why are you happy to have peace whilst he blocks you?

Keep him blocked, file for child maintenance and IF he wants contact let him organise through the courts.

Protect your peace, look after yourself and if he wants to try to draw up silly unenforceable contracts, let him.

You say you can bring your child up alone, so have no need to contact this man so why are you keeping lines of communication open?

clpsmum · 23/10/2023 09:30

You are being bullied. Do not sign and make sure that you DO claim through cms

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