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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Friend rings Constantly all day every day.im single mum burned out

19 replies

Senmumz · 01/10/2023 21:45

My friend constantly rings and texts all day every day its draining me and suffocating me she's so needy and clingy and just wants to talk for hours about anything to the point when I do pickup cause I feel bad if I ignore her that I zone out as quite often she goes quiet and doesn't know what say anymore.the thing is I'm a single parent with a child with asd and gdd I'm his main career and it's exhausting and extremely hard which I don't think she gets that I'm burned out as I don't have any help don't get much sleep or time to myself as he needs constant supervision.she will msg at inappropriate hours in the morning 5am before I'm woke to tell me she let her cat out.its same every morning!I get up get my son ready for school which is extremely hard work and once I have him out the door to his bus which lifts him the phone rings and rings n rings.i feel bad and sometimes will answer because she has been there for me when I went through a very difficult breakup but now I can't cope with it anymore she will talk for hours to I say I have things to do and only way to end the call is repeatldy say bye.10mins later she rings back now this goes on all day long literally every 10mins to half hour either rings or msgs.ive snapped before as she rings as I'm trying to settle my son for bed and it takes hours and she starts to huff.i have repeatedly told her don't ring at his bedtime hour its like my life revolves around her.the only time I get to myself is during the day to get things done and she constant rings n msgs.she demands I answer asks me to do things for her like cat sit when she wants to go away and fix rings in her house.i can't cope with it anymore it's having effect my already mental health.she will turn upto my house every day now too.how do I tell her to back off.its not normal

OP posts:

Welshwonder92 · 01/10/2023 21:47

Omg I’m not surprised you’re worn out! Does she have her own children / work to do during the day? How does she fill her time?
Do you have a landline? Could you disconnect? Or put your phone on “sleep” or “do not disturb” so you don’t have to answer it? Explain to her you’re unavailable and try and perhaps take just one short call a day (or none!) that’s ridiculous. I feel for you x

Therealjudgejudy · 01/10/2023 21:48

Block. Her.

TheShellBeach · 01/10/2023 21:49

Put your phone on silent!
Ignore her. Tell her to stop.

3luckystars · 01/10/2023 21:50

Put do not disturb on your phone from 10pm to 8am firstly.

You don’t need to put up with this.

Hiddenvoice · 01/10/2023 21:52

She’s relying too much on you to fill her time. I would just tell her honestly that you don’t mind chatting but you can’t keep up with the constant phone calls and messages. Suggest one day a week when you call for a weekly catch up and then some sporadic texts during the week. Tell her firmly that’s all you can commit too.

Id then mute her so you don’t get any notifications of phone calls and messages.

If she turns up uninvited then either don’t answer the door or open it slightly, say hi and then ask why she is there. If she asks to come in say no, bye and just close the door on her.

GodDammitCecil · 01/10/2023 21:54

You TELL her to back off.

It sounds like you’re looking for some sort of magic advice where you don’t actually have to tell her in so many words, and she will then back off.

Sorry - that’s not going to happen.

So - you tell her exactly that: ‘back off’.

Then - you put your phone on silent, or preferably, you block her.

This friendship has run its course. It doesn’t matter if she was helpful to you in the past. You have repaid that a zillion times over. Your debt is cleared. This friendship has no place in your life any more.

daytriptovulcan · 01/10/2023 21:58

Do you get anything out of this "friendship"?
It doesnt sound like it.
Its time to ditch this energy vampire. Literally just block, and never look back... No more guilt.

Original poster

Senmumz · 01/10/2023 21:58

I've tried this with her but she ends up calling to my house as she lives round the corner.she works in the afternoon has no children but she even rings from work.i have to have my phone on as quite often the school rings. I've ignored her calls before for sent her a msg to say I'm taking time out from my phone as I need me time and she resorted to calling my landline and turning up at house and won't leave to answer the door.or just walks in.i now lock my doors and she stood for half hour and ringing and msging me and taking to my Facebook to write I'm at your house were are you

OP posts:

GodDammitCecil · 01/10/2023 22:04

Then report her for stalking.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

TGGreen · 01/10/2023 22:04

In which case you need to tell her you cannot be friends. She can no longer call, text or come to your home. If she continues to harass you, call the police. She clearly has no boundaries.

amprev · 01/10/2023 22:06

This is my idea of hell. You need to get tougher and accept you may lose the friendship, but would that be such a bad thing?

TheShellBeach · 01/10/2023 22:08

Truly she sounds like a stalker.
You need to involve the police.

YukoandHiro · 01/10/2023 22:09

Christ she is not a healthy person to be around.

Honestly what is this friendship bringing to your life?

Give it one more go at putting in healthy boundaries but be clear if she shows she can't respect that you will back off from the friendship

Spookymormonhelldream · 01/10/2023 22:09

Jesus Christ she sounds like she needs extensive therapy. That level of neediness and boundary pushing is so far from normal. Time to draw a line in the sand OP. Tell her if she continues to harass you, you will have to go to the police.
It's not acceptable, it's not normal, and you DO NOT have to tolerate it.

saraclara · 01/10/2023 22:11

This is so outside the bounds of normal that I don't know why you've put up with it for so long.

This person belongs nothing to your life, so why are you worried about upsetting her?

You need to completely lost your temper because nothing else has worked. Then you tell her that you're blocking her number because you simply cannot manage her needs when you have a disabled child. Tell her not to come to the house, and if she hammers on your door for half an hour, you call the police. I know that sounds harsh, but there are no other options left.

This person clearly has a problem of some kind. That's sad, but it doesn't mean that you have to endure this.

bellac11 · 01/10/2023 22:12

She sounds like she has some serious problems, has she got any learning or social communication needs?

Not that it excuses it, its just so far out of the realms of normality that there has to be a reason why she acts this way. People dont stalk other people in that way unless they tend to be obsessive and compulsive in some way

You're going to have to ask her to leave you alone and stick to that.

Winnipeggy · 01/10/2023 22:14

Senmumz · 01/10/2023 21:58

This is stalking. You don't sound like you're enjoying this friendship AT ALL so it's time to cut it off. Tell her you need some space and ignore her calls and messages. If she turns up then reiterate that you need space and don't let her in. It might take a while but you'd hope that she'll get it eventually

TotalOverhaul · 01/10/2023 22:18

She's not a friend, she's a user, a drain, an emotional vampire. If you are firm with her she will sulk then wander iff to suck the blood elsewhere.I've had to get rid of 'friends' like this in the past. It's so hard the first time, but gets easier and is totally necessary. She is using you. Focus on yourself and your son. If she calls round, say, 'I'm busy now, I wasn't expecting you. Got to go,' then close the door. It can be done. as PP said, block her from 8pm to 8am

the other very therapeutic trick is, as soon as she calls, gush: 'i'm so glad you called. I... Me me me, my needs, my issues my problems.' Do this every time. Just monologue about yourself and your needs. Don't pause for breath. Store up everything that;s on your chest and get it off your chest. She'll vanish within a fortnight.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 01/10/2023 22:23

She sounds like a psycho. Cut her off, she's not a friend if she's waking you up at 5am and hammering on your door because you haven't answered a call.

Next time she phones tell her you're done with her and she is not to contact you again. Change your number if you have to, block her on any social media. Don't engage with her at all, she'll move on quick enough.

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