Moving to a new place - should we continue sharing a room? Advice please

[Toya123]

Hi, this is my first time using Mumsnet so please forgive me if this isn’t posted in the best place.

I am a single mum of an amazing boy, who has just turned 2. We have been living with my mum since he was born and as you can imagine, they have the most incredible bond. My son and I currently share a room… He has his own cotbed but normally cosleeps with me; on a good day he’ll begin the night in my bed, I’ll move him to his own and he’ll stay there for a few hours before realising and insisting to sleep in “our bed” with me… Which I usually give in to.

We will be moving into a 2 bedroom flat in the next few weeks and I am contemplating whether we should have our own individual bedrooms (Lord knows I could do with the personal, “child-free” space. Lol) or continue sharing a room and use the 2nd bedroom as a play room/ crafts room for my son.

I am concerned that moving to a new place, away from my mum and into separate rooms may be too many transitions for my son too soon (he has also started and not yet perfected potty training)… So there’s a lot going on at the moment.

I have also considered getting him a small double bed or a floor bed for his room so I can stay with him until he falls asleep, then escape into my own sanctuary until he realises and inevitably ends the night in my bed.

Sorry this is so lengthy… I’m very torn and would appreciate any advice. Thanks in advance

I shared a room with my ds until he was 3yr 2m, when we moved to a new home. He chose the room next to mine and chose the paint, duvet cover and curtains etc. He still occasionally came into my bed when feeling poorly but was ready for his own space at three.

Could you get your ds involved in creating his own space, and then see what he is happy with. Definitely call it 'his room' and keep all his stuff there so getting dressed is in 'his' room, choosing a book is in 'his' room. Bedtime routine should be in 'his' room.

When we moved, dd was about 18 months old. We set up a room for her and a bed she could get in and out of easily. I also stopped keeping my own bed on the floor and moved it to a proper height. We had done a floor bed both because it was safer and because we were in temporary housing so it was easier. I didn’t stop her from coming into my bed when she needed and she typically did join me, but I’m still happy I gave her the choice to have her own bed because she did use it occasionally and she did transition to it eventually. (Honestly, sometimes either DH or I ended up sleeping there because somehow that tiny child could take up 7/8 of a king mattress. )

We moved when DS was that age. He did get his own bedroom and that meant we could keep our bedroom kid clutter free but he still mostly co slept for a long while after. I’d let him, as you say it’s too much transition otherwise. You can do the move to own bed attempt another time. Start of nursery and start of school also bad timing from experience, it was around those times when he came back into bed with us for a while

I moved when my dd was a bit younger. I shared her room for a couple of weeks, and now stay with her til she falls asleep, and always went back into her room if she woke in the night. It means she never thought of my room/bed as hers, and is happy in her own room on her own (although it took a while til she slept through). It worked better for us, because she was comfortable in her own room from the start, and there was less change ultimately than moving her again in 6 months or whatever.

We were in a similar situation, my son is now 6 and still co sleeps with me. To be honest, as long as he wants and needs it, its ok. Yes sometimes I get frustrated with having to physically move him off me when I want to turn over, however i would rather this than him being scared and upset in his own bed.

I think that as a lone parent having a strong bedtime routine and a separate bed is one of the best things that you can do to look after yourself. That time to yourself in the evenings without them is so so precious!

I would big up how exciting it is that he has a big boy room. Get him involved in decorating (wall stickers are cheap, cheerful and easy), choosing things etc. Then I’d stay with him until he falls asleep in his own bed for the first few nights. Once he’s comfortable in his bed I’d try to encourage him to fall asleep there on his own.

So, to start with id reinforce that he always goes to sleep in his bed but allow him into yours whenever he comes through. Then once he is a bit older I’d start returning him to his so that eventually you get some full nights sleep.

I think having separate rooms is a good idea (but I don’t really understand the logic behind playrooms; always been quite happy with my kids playing in the living room…. So I may have a slanted view there.) But that doesn’t mean you can’t cosleep and slowly build up to sleeping separately. You could follow his lead.

Definitely set them up as separate rooms. But with small tweaks to make both rooms comfortable for cosleeping.
your bed - big double that’s not so high he can’t climb on and off easily when sleepy.
his - adult size single/ 4ft double / extra mattress under his bed ‘for sleepovers’ which you haul out when needed for u.
or a very comfortable armchair by his bed so you find it easier to sit by him and resettle him into his bed.

If I were you I would set him up in his own room with bed, toys etc but he can trot into you if he needs to anyway. My youngest coslept until 6 years old but she always went to bed in her bed but came into us later, sometimes she would climb in before I even went to bed!

Thank you all soooo much for your responses, I wasn’t expecting so many tbh and they are all so helpful and insightful.

I think the general consensus is to have 2 separate rooms. I will definitely get him involved in decorating and setting up his bedroom. And I will try to gently encourage him to sleep in his own room by doing his bedtime routine etc in there but either join him in his bed or allow him into mine, as needed.

Thank you all, again, so much

sounds perfect- good luck for the move!

Mine was 2y8m when we moved to somewhere big enough for him to have his own room - I opted to make the transition slow and gentle (because he's so stubborn I'd have scuppered it entirely if I tried to push him into his own room too quickly) and let him decide what he wanted to do. I put his cot bed in there straight away and gradually got the room sorted for him but left it to him to decide when to start sleeping there. He actually took to it surprisingly quickly and sleeps in there the vast majority of the time now, which is GREAT!