New break up

[Earth2Nicola]

Hello!

Just looking for some advice.

Me and my partner of 10 years separated 3 months ago, we have a two year old and I am 6 months pregnant.

In an attempt to co-parent and accommodate our jobs I went to put our two year old in full-time childcare, it took me over a month of constant searching to find someone but my ex advised he ‘didn’t want someone else raising our child’ and advised he would have our child Monday, Wednesday and Friday (I’m a nurse and work 12 hour shifts on these days). This was 10 weeks ago and I agreed but he has only stuck to the agreement 1 week, every other week he has cancelled, not shown up or changed the days. I can’t afford the childcare on my own and I am now at risk of losing my job. He messaged on Friday to say he’s starting a new job (Mon-Fri 9-5) this week and wants our child every Saturday and Sunday.

I’d contacted child maintenance as he hasn’t given me a penny for our child since he left, I provide everything including meals when he takes her for the day. He also advised me he spoke with child maintenance and they have told him he only has to pay £30 a month, he works full time earning £20 an hour, is this correct?

I’m so beyond stressed out and have tried having conversations with him but he simply states that I am the primary carer therefore I either have to give him full custody or resolve these issues myself.

I feel like he’s trying to control me / prevent me being able to work, I have also recently found out he is seeing someone new and this is why he keeps cancelling childcare to spend time with her instead.

I feel so desperately sad for my child and I don’t know what to do.. Do I stop working? Do I apply for court mandated childcare arrangements or will this backfire on me and result in me having to give him 50/50 custody? He keeps asking for this but he lives in his car and has a really chaotic lifestyle (this is the reason I left him). I feel like he’s got me over a barrel and is getting to dictate all the terms and control my life.

Sorry for the long post but I’m at a loss and wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation / had any advice?

Thanks in advance.

Can you get the childcare option back ? If possible do that?
if He lives in a car where is he having the children because 12 hours in a car is not fair at all .
£30 is for unemployed . My guess is he is switching jobs to hide from the cms ?

do you have any wrap around help like mum or sister would help short term ?

He is trying to control you but won’t bother with court .

you have a few months till may leave I would juggle the best I can and if you find childcare that will take your child 12 hours a day I would continue to pay and put unborn baby on list

Good luck getting CMS 13 years ago I applied as ex refused to pay for baby, he had a great job and actually is still in the same job. Our of nowhere he produces supposed massive debts and eventually CMS said 34p a week. I tore the letter up and never looked back brought son up alone and he has never seen his dad other issues in the past... Slightly concerning you clearly had problems yet got pregnant again. Anyway put your foot down if the children are with you the main carer then go get child care. Don't let him tell you what to do. Clearly you have a job which will help support your household and you need to keep it