How's the transition to being a single mum?

[Bubblegum13]

I am currently expecting my second child with my partner.

He claimed he wanted a family but does very little, is not hands on and seems to forget the fact I've put my career on hold to have our family.

I feel our relationship has dissolved, he shows me no affection. I feel under appreciated and quite frankly now fed up.

Anyway, the point in this post is anyone been in a similar situation? How easy was it to leave and start a fresh with your kids?

I didn’t leave and start a fresh in the same way that you are thinking but I ended up a single mum of 4 pretty much overnight with no warning. I’m not going to lie and say it’s all really easy because it’s not but it is definitely doable. I was always the main caregiver to the children so the day to day stuff pretty much stayed the same. Sometimes the mental load is harder than the physical side of it but you just get used to it and find your own way. My children have no contact with Dad so everything falls on me constantly. I’ve moved house since for a fresh start and got them all settled into new schools and it was the best thing I could have done for them.

As shinebright, I wasn't the one to make the decision but I'm now, and have been for the last almost 4 years, a schizophrenic, physically disabled, single mum to 3. Its far from easy. I'm not going to lie. BUT it was the best thing that waste of air ever did fir us was to leave us because we are all so much happier, not walking in eggshells around him and I don't feel resentment that no one is helping.

My children have court ordered contact with dad, which while technically gives me a break leaves me constant state of worry wonderingnif hrs caring for them properly as he never could when we were together. He also caused a lot of trouble the last few years demanded nudes off me, pretended to be me on twitter and caused a fall out with my friends, accused my now ex of being a paedophile, hit the children, threatened them with knives and then wondered why instopped contact. But apparently the children being shit scared of him is not "good enough reason to alienate them from a loving relationship" according to the court. So yeah, I'm on edge whenever they spend time with him. But it's definitely doable, especially if you don't have the same issues with your partner (or soon to be ex partner if that's the case) being an absolute bell end

Hello,

I’m in the exact position you’re talking about. I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old. Me and my ex split up 3 months ago.

I’m very new to navigating this but I would say it’s a mixed bag of emotions, I 100% feel less stressed without them around but there’s a new anxiety around them having our two year old two days a week 8-5 and not having a clue what’s they’re doing / where they are. I love my little one so much and it makes me feel physically ill to think of my ex being with someone new and bringing them into their life.

I still have ups and downs where I feel so free and calm and other times I feel so lonely. Im not sure how much of this is pregnancy hormone related but it’s a strange existence at the moment.

Be prepared to have difficult conversations, arguments and have to compromise if you do choose to separate. But also think of the benefits to your own well-being which is important too - I’ve already made so many personal changes that have made me happier and I never would have done this had I stayed with him.

I understand your career worries as well, I’m three weeks away from qualifying as a nurse and will have to put starting my career on hold to navigate being a single mum to two but there is funding available through the government to help you with childcare to enable you to get back into work, make use of any support system you have and remember this won’t be forever in a blink of an eye they’ll be in school and you can put more of a focus on your career.

Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy xx