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Original poster

Abusive ex refuses to communicate re DS

11 replies

Nightlite888 · 23/09/2023 17:52

Seeking advice please.
Hello, looking for some advice as feeling really stuck here and want to act in best interests of son.
divorcing exH, background of abuse, have a non mol. Got to point where his abuse was so triggering that I asked him to stop emailing me directly and use a parenting app to sort child arrangement. He was abusive on that too so in the end I bought a ‘handover book’ for communication re son to go back and forth with son.
Hr completely ignores the book and refuses to engage. I have had to ask my sons teachers to pass on messages re homework etc.
He is also refusing to communicate with mre regarding his proposals for son spending time with him at half term, other than he has told school that Hr will pick up son on last day of school before the hols and has told son this. Under the CAO he is able to spend ’up to 50%’ of school hols with son by agreement with me. Just to add to the mess, there are also some safeguarding issues with him and his older son (from a previous marriage who lives with him) re our 6 year old son. ex h is from a a different country and has told son they may visit his family abroad during the hols (son has U.K. passport held by mr and dad has passport for his country, European). Son dorsnt want to do a whole week without seeing me at dads and I don’t consent to dad taking him away for the whole holiday.
Can anyone advise re the communication? I don’t want to turn up at school and create a scene on last day of term. But worried that ex will and then take son for whole hols and abroad. I have a lives withmy order so he can’t take child without my agreement. Perhaps I should just send him an old fashioned letter? Don’t want to spend any more money on lawyers. Thank you

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 29/09/2023 15:57

Probably not the best advice but personally I'd book a dentist appointment on the last day and pick your child up early

Wishitsnows · 29/09/2023 16:00

Dentist is a great idea @PurpleBugz

TickingKey46 · 01/10/2023 13:06

Sounds very similar to the situation I was in with my ex husband. It was a bloody nightmare. Just relieved there is a no contact order in place now.

He's a bully! Through and through. I wouldn't be allowing him to take him unless I know when he would be back. Also about the safeguarding issues and the possibility he could take him abroad and not return him. Nightmare

Luckydog7 · 01/10/2023 13:13

You can put in a request that flags if your son is trying to leave the country and prevents it. Cant remember what its called. Might be worth just doing it for future piece of mind so he can't just vanish with your child. Btw at 6 your ds consent is irrelevant but yours IS needed.

Original poster
Nightlite888 · 01/10/2023 15:11

Thank you all.
@TickingKey46 he’s an absolute nightmare. I have asked him at least x5 times to make his proposals re half term in the handover book and via text - hd refuses to look at the handover book (according to ds) and never responds whilst he deletes my texts over WhatsApp and blocks me.
He’s told ds that he’s picking him up from school on last day befordd ex half term ditto the school!
@Luckydog7 thankx - yes I’ve been pointed to reunite which advises telling the police to put a post alert out. Issue is that son has an EU passport which dad will be using, I have no details on that. Ds British passport is with me.

OP posts:
TickingKey46 · 01/10/2023 17:54

You honestly need a much tighter court order. One that has dates, times etc.
You need to only contact him in an emergency.
He is totally enjoying his level of control and manipulation.

Original poster
Nightlite888 · 01/10/2023 17:57

@TickingKey46 according to him he has applied to court to vary the existing order by requesting 50/50 care…though I am yet tp received any acknowledgment from the court. I was advised to piggy back of that and request a tighter court order. Still waiting…if he’s not lying about it. Otherwise going to apply to vary in new year if not heard from court

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TickingKey46 · 02/10/2023 07:08

Most of these kind of men threaten to go for more access, but it's just them controlling. I suspect he's the same.
Is there any benefit in waiting and seeing? Or just going ahead and trying to get a court date? I'm guessing you're have to do mediation or prove it's not suitable before hand.

Original poster
Nightlite888 · 02/10/2023 17:55

@TickingKey46 i think im going to have to go for an urgent prohibited steps order regarding him not taking ds out of country and for him not to pick up child from school without my agreement (which the current order requires). What a faff!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightlite888 · 02/10/2023 17:56

im exempt from mediation due to DA

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightlite888 · 14/10/2023 13:28

I ended up taking him
back to court as he was refusing to communicate. Judge had to order the half term holiday split and that he communicates via a co parenting app. He’s also not allowed to take ds out of country without my consent for now. For now as he’s applied for 50/50 shared care….😆😆

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