Apologises, this is going to be long so thought it best to bullet point some parts
been on my own with 2 DC for 2.5 years now. Ex contact was very sporadic, only seeing them for a few hours on a Saturday.
he then discovered I was seeing someone - broke into my house, assaulted me in front of the DC etc. left us all traumatised. I got a restraining order against him, communication has to go through his brother now. Was his mum until she got abusive, brother is never polite to me but we muddle through
ex lost his job about 18 months ago and so after restraining order wanted to see more of DC. He was then picking them up from school every other Fri, having sleepovers some Saturdays, getting involved with DC football commitments etc. we had that routine in place for around 6 months
he now has another job which requires working most of the weekend. He has now dropped all childcare of the DC without even asking me if I’m able to take over the football commitments etc.
he now wants to tell me the few hours in which he can see DC and expects me to drop everything to accommodate this.
for instance. One DC has football all morning on Sunday, the one day Ex apparently has off. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just take DC to his Sunday morning for him to see them.
he doesn’t want them after work, he says because he doesn’t get much time with them but I feel it’s because he doesn’t want to deal with DC after being at work all day. I don’t either sunshine - that’s parenting!
he now hasn’t seen the DC for 2 weeks. They’re not bothered. He has Sunday off and now wants me to take DC to football which is an away game, drop them down at his convenience and then collect them a few hours later.
he doesn’t pay an maintenance and hasn’t for the whole time we’ve been separated, apart from a sporadic £40 a month for a few months. He pays for nothing - no uniforms, shoes etc. he doesn’t even ask if they need anything, everything is paid by me
he doesn’t drive so expects me to drop them off and collect them at his convenience- something I was doing but I don’t want to do that anymore because I’m just waiting around for him to tell me when to collect. I feel this is a power thing
i’ve told him that him now having a job which no longer fits with his DCs commitments is an issue which is not mine to solve.
him choosing that job was a choice he actively made and now he needs to fit him with DC and not the other way around
also it is not my responsibility to be his childcare on his days (which he no longer does anyway!) and it is not my responsibility to organise how he is going to see his DC when I also work FT and have the DC with me FT, I have enough to do without micromanaging his diary
am I in the wrong? His family all treat me like crap since the assault, I think they forgot that I am the victim here and they all expect me to dance to his tune
sorry this is very long but I’m doubting myself a lot over this