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Lone parents

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Feel so alone

3 replies

lalallola · 10/09/2023 19:29

I have a 22 month old and an 8 month old and they are my absolute world. I’ve been single since May after my ex came home on cocaine and ended up getting arrested for ABH. We were together for less than three years, he was never reliable due to the cocaine, gambling and various other issues. I’ve felt like I’ve reached burnout the past few days and it all came to a head when I was out with family today. Baby hasn’t been sleeping due to teething/heat, he’s never been a good sleeper anyway and we’ve always coslept due to this. Last night he didn’t settle after his breastfed so stayed up with me. I got up at 6.30am as I had arranged to go to a car boot with my family, so got us all ready and out the door by 8am. I’m struggling with my daughter at the moment due to tantrums, she doesn’t communicate much and has been referred for speech therapy. But I recognise this is just normal toddler behaviour and tantrums are normal. I just feel like I’m failing her, she’s so unhappy from the moment she gets up, I feel like nothing I can do is enough for her anymore. She gets fed up at the car boot which is fair enough as obviously it’s not something enjoyable for her, so I say I’m taking the children back to the car. We had arranged to go to a jumble sale after this, on the way i get a bit upset and say to my parents I might go to the nearby park instead, my mum just says oh don’t stress. But I am stressed, because I know these two little people are solely my responsibility and they have different needs and there’s only one of me. I’m clearly upset, crying, etc and my mum’s comment just makes me feel belittled and just like she doesn’t want to make a scene when all the family is together, but these are my genuine emotions I can’t hide it. So anyway day goes on as planned, go to humble sale then park etc then get back to my parents and both children fall asleep in the car. Daughter wakes up at parents after sleeping for over an hour so I feel sure she will be in a better mood, but she gets up and continues to throw tantrums. Again let me stress I know this is normal, I’m not complaining about my little girl I’m just explaining the situation. So I feel deflated and say to my parents I’m going to go home. I just feel like I’m not getting any emotional support from anyone, I’m not expecting help with the children as both were/youngest still is breastfed anyway so need to be with me all the time. I just feel like I have no emotional support, I just want someone to give me a hug and say you’re doing okay you’re not a rubbish mum, we can see how hard your trying. Am I expecting too much? I left my parents upset after trying to explain that to my mum, then get home and phone my mum and she says I’m just having a go at her and puts the phone down. Call my dad and he doesn’t pick up. I actually just felt at breaking point and thought wow I’m actually completely alone, there’s no one I can even talk to. I’m not expecting help with the kids I just feel like I have no emotional support, and then the fact I need it and clearly it isn’t available just makes me feel like I’m weak and there’s something wrong with me. It’s just so isolating, I’m so exhausted, I feel like I’m failing my children because I’m so tired all the time and I’m spread so thin. I do cope quite well usually I just seem to have hit a wall, I cope well usually we go out everyday to the park and to toddler groups, soft plays, meet up with friends with kids and all those sorts of things. There’s just always so much to do. I’m feeding baby to sleep now then I need to blitz the flat, clean the kitchen, tidy toys, washing on, shower etc. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve by posting this, maybe to ask am I being unreasonable to want emotional support.

OP posts:
mamagiorgio · 12/09/2023 00:13

I didn’t want to read and run, especially as my ex was very similar. Please know that you are doing a fabulous job. I’m very sorry that your parents are not able to provide the emotional support that you need right now. Would it be possible to speak to your family at a time when emotions aren’t heightened by what’s going on in the moment to discuss what you need? Being a single parent is hard. The hardest job in the world. Every lone parent needs a kind word and gentle reassurance every now and again, even after making the tiring choice of cleaning the kitchen instead of catching up on sleep after a long day of caring for two little ones. Sometimes these are the hardest moments. Sending lots of love your way. x

Findyourneutralspace · 12/09/2023 00:22

You poor love. I’ve been a single parent for most of my DCs lives - they are almost adults now but your post took me right back to the baby days. Many times over the years I have just wanted someone to step in and take some of the weight from me, or give me a hug. I was married for a while in the middle and although it didn’t work out I was only thinking yesterday how much I miss having a cup of tea brought to me in bed.
It’s really hard, the stage you are at now and you sound exhausted. I’m annoyed at your parents. You clearly need support, even if it’s just a hug and a bit of looking after yourself.
What I will say is that you aren’t a rubbish mum. You listen to what your DCs need and try and do it for them eg taking them to the park, letting DD sleep an hour etc. It’s clear from your post that you are putting them first and doing your best, it’s just hard and very tiring and everyone needs a break sometimes.
Do you get to toddler group? My friends were a lifeline at the age your babies are. Maybe reach out to your HV?
I often felt like you do but my DCs tell me I’m a brilliant mum and am far too hard on myself, so on your children’s behalf, I’m telling you the same. Take care 🌸

LauraFTM · 13/09/2023 08:49

Hey, im a first time mum with my 10 week old baby girl. I'm unable to fully relate to your situation but somehow stumbled across your post and can definitely sympathise.
I've been really disappointed with my parents since I've had my baby, and I've found myself shutting myself away from people.
You sound like a superwoman! We all need emotional support. Especially with everything you've gone through with your ex. You arent asking for too much at all, you're asking for the bare minimum.
Sending all the love, you've got this, start a new day with a fresh mind. Happy mum happy baby, so work on you too 🩷

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