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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

MY BD's family stopped talking to me

15 replies

anon990 · 09/09/2023 20:54

Does anyone have experience with their baby's fathers family not contacting or seeing their grandchild? Me and my partner were in a happy realtionship and were supportive during my pregnancy & for the first weeks after birth. We eventually had a very messy breakup ( all his fault he cheated was abusive etc) and he emigrated leaving me raising my 3 month old son alone. His family have completely stopped talking to me and don't ask to see him. His mother is a stay at home mom and has loads of time but they've all turned against me, I've asked so many times do they want have him for a day and I get ignored or given an excuse. It's very painful for me for my child to not have them in his life either. I have no idea how they can be like this they backed their son all the way and while I was going through the lowest times because of him they never asked me how I was or supported me or offered to take the baby. Instead they say he's an adult what can we do about it. It's very isolating especially since I got on with them so well while I was with him. They even have my son as their profile picture and haven't seen him or asked in weeks. Anyone have the same experience and how do you get over it? TIA

OP posts:

yogasaurus · 09/09/2023 20:57

Why do you want your son to have a relationship with them if they’re so vile?

Original poster

anon990 · 09/09/2023 20:58

Well it's obviously painful that they were involved and were nice and did help and then all of a sudden stoped without any explanation just because their son left

OP posts:

Mylovelygreendress · 09/09/2023 20:59

My ex husband’s family had absolutely no contact with our DC after we split up . I spoke to one of his siblings but she told me we were no longer related . No Christmas cards etc . I never tried again.
My DC are adults and have no contact with that side of their family and are happy and well adjusted people.
Ypu can’t force people to be interested or involved with your DC

Iamclearlyamug · 09/09/2023 21:00

Unfortunately I think you just need time to accept that they don't want to be involved.

Just know that its a reflection on THEM and not on you or your son. Re-frame it in your mind as the previous poster said - if they're that vile your son does not need them in his life.

Do you have support on your own side of the family?

Original poster

anon990 · 09/09/2023 21:03

Yes I do my mum is amazing and my sister and my friends. He turned all of them against me and I never did anything to them it's insane he's so narcissistic. It's all just so painful atm. I'd love to know what they think of what their doing and how they think it's ok or what their reasons are for not talking to me especially after his mum said 'I do want to be apart of his life' and tells her son 'well she doesn't text me' but anytime I did she gave me an excuse as to why she can't take him and made me feel stupid I asked so many times now. They live close by too so I'll always have to see them, it makes me feel like I was in the wrong somehow even though I know I wasn't it's messed my head

OP posts:

Original poster

anon990 · 09/09/2023 21:05

And she's 2 faced because she said him one day from 12.30-9pm and said that was ok and everything but then told my BD 'I had plans and she didn't come until 9pm?' But never said that to me & said to him I only ever ask her when I want to go out but I only asked her once for a night out and he drank all week never took his son and moved country fffs but he's her angel and can do no wrong I'll never understand it

OP posts:

yogasaurus · 09/09/2023 21:28

Well they raised him…his behaviour comes from somewhere.

I wouldn’t give them any more headspace. Concentrate on your DC and your family.

runner55 · 11/09/2023 11:19

Yep, very very similar except my DC is older. ExH is an abusive narcissist and facing criminal charges. All his family dropped us like hot potatoes immediately when we split, apart from DC's grandmother who has kept in touch with DC but won't speak to me. I have tried to keep their relationships with DC going but they behave as if neither of us exists, even the grandmother who writes refuses to actually see him. There's no more I can do 😕

I really feel for DC as basically half his family disowned him age 10 through no fault of his own 😢

You can't make other people behave in a certain way, you've tried, they have made their choice.

Starlightstarbright2 · 11/09/2023 12:26

It’s hard . Reality is you can’t change them . They are probably listening to you ex ..

It the same as you can’t make him a good dad, you can’t make them great g/parents.

giving up on this gives you far more headspace for those who do want to be involved.

BananaSlug · 11/09/2023 17:56

I don’t speak to any of my exes family. I don’t think this is unusual after a split tbh

Original poster

anon990 · 11/09/2023 20:50

Not unusual obviously if ye don't have a child together: this is their grandchild

OP posts:

BananaSlug · 11/09/2023 21:06

Me and my ex do have children. My mum barely sees my kids her grandchildren some people just don’t care about family tbh.. unfortunately as it was a messy break up as you said that’s probably why they’ve decided to not be involved

Original poster

anon990 · 11/09/2023 21:10

I don't agree that that should be a reason to be honest just because it was messy between us. They should make the effort for the child as nothing was his fault

OP posts:

Starlightstarbright2 · 12/09/2023 10:43

You seem to be missing the point people are trying to make …

No one is saying it is right just this is how some grandparents/ extended family are .

my ex mil used to supervise my son’s dad’s contract- I offered her time with my Ds on her own she said she didn’t want to see grandchild more than dad .. so when dad gave up so did grandma.

you can’t control other people .

rockingbird · 14/09/2023 10:28

My MIL actively encouraged me to leave my H (her son) - many lies and a double life whilst working overseas. It took a lot of courage for me to eventually leave and walk away from my home and everything in it. We left with a bag of clothes and I started all over again.. not once has she reached out to see if we are Ok! Baffles me as throughout lockdown I was he main support, zoom calls weekly and messages back and forth checking in on her when no one else bothered including my H. We've been gone a year now.. last time I called was when the queen passed - she's a big royalist so thought I'd check in on her.. she cut me short as the other phone was ringing (obviously they were far more important). We've never spoken again. Very sad as I'd actually grown to trust her, mothers always seem to side with their sons despite their actions. So now I've resigned myself to the reality that I'll never see her again and I doubt the children will either. Very easy for people to forget the heartbreak you go through and struggles your faced with 😞

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