he is a complete w***er!!

[TLV]

i have received a letter from stbx dh solicitor and I was sickened by it, i called him last week (one day) when i ceased all contact with him, granted we argued and i phone him he hung and on it went, some of the things he has instructed his solicitor to put in the letter were totally unfounded and uncalled for (can't really go into them. He then had the nerve to get upset because I'm not allowing him to babysit for dd!!!!!!!!!! (what the f*ck) the man is a complete idiot. He expects me to let him in the house!! and act all fine and dandy about everyting. He also expects me to inform him of dd development at home, do all couples do this?

he left us and he wants it all to go his way and when it doesn't he gets nasty with me, the past month i've really been getting myself pulled together emotionally and everytime i feel like i'm getting somewhere he tries to knock me down. Can someone please tell me it will get better, I can't be having contact with him and shouldn't have to, as long as he sees dd then what more can he expect.

dd saw me broken down again this morning and got upset and she is only 2.5yrs old and he told me to take the letter with a pinch of salt!!!

Is a threat to dd?

no not at all

when i mean nasty i mean verbally abusive

Only contact him by text. I would not see or talk to my xh for about 2 years after we split. He messed me about royally and this was the only way I could cope with him, by txt.

Exactly what my ex is like, think's he can have it all his own way. According to his mum he got a shock when he read the letter my solicitor sent to his - he thought I was lying about having a solicitor

my ex sent me a letter from his solicitor demanding he had access to the kids in the family home as well

she has v politely replied telling them to fuck off

TLV after two years in court and a violent x who still sends threats, it really does get better, really, honestly and truly.

Your x will always be a plonker but you will grow and leave him behind. He will continue to annoy you but more in the manner of a sheep dog nipping at your heels than in terms of a load of shit being shoveled on you from a great height.

Dont see him or allow him in your home and only speak via email or text. My x isn't allowed near me which is great and he only manages to vaguely annoy me by email. Set the boundaries and make them very very clear! Perhaps he will calm down and things will get much better and more civilised but only if you are clear about what you will and will not tolerate.

It can be really hard, especially if he has let go and moved on and is completely oblivious to your feelings or simpy chooses to ignore them.

For him he probably sees it that you've lived together under this situation for a long time, and now he's moved out it's just the same only he now sleeps elsewhere. He will simply think you're being difficult and should be a grown up. Grown ups of course are allowed to have feelings and need time and space to be able to deal with things like this.

So don't feel bad about needing your own space or about being angry and upset. You have every right to be. Your relationship with him has ended, you don't need to see him any more.

However you do have a responsibility to your daughter to facilitate contact between her and her dad if possible. She has a right to a relationship with her father. But you do NOT have to be there when it happens, you do NOT have to accomodate it at your home, or be there at handovers, or speak to him about any of it even.

Get your sol to write and tell him all communication from this point should be via your sol and you will only accept direct contact via email or text. If he wants to speak to you face to face and move this issue forward then tell him to find a mediation service where you can discuss your daughter together. You'll have to agree to mediation to get legal aid anyhow, so put the ball in his court and show he's the one causing issues.

Don't be tempted to call him. If you say all communication should be indirect the you have to stick to that too.

Stay strong, and call on those family and friends you have around you to help you deal with all this.

Yes it will get better, but it can take a very long time for that to happen i'm afraid.
Think of your daughter and stay strong.
Best wishes
Gilly

thank you so much for the advice, greatly appreciated