As a lone parent, what time do you go to bed?

[HornbeamLane]

Had a discussion recently where it was discussed what time you might go to bed and what is reasonable if you have a partner. I'm a lone parent and often go to bed at the same time as my child(around 8) but do things on my phone (anything between watching something to admin, food plan etc) until maybe 10 or even 11. I wake up at around 6ish every morning to map out my day and am up by 7. I like to get in bed early to wind down because I'm knackered from doing everything over the day and on occasion even ache.
Is this normal or would it be problematic for most people?

Your routine sounds pretty good to me! How old is your child? My 2.5yo has just pushed her own bedtime from 7pm to nearly 8pm, and it’s only after she’s gone to bed that I can do the final bits of housework. Our flat is far too small to get away with leaving it messy (and I get miserable and ratty if it is) so my bedtime housework chores aren’t optional. Work means no time during the day to keep our home nice.

If everything is already sorted when little miss goes to sleep, then sometimes I also go to bed at 8pm - and if I do, it’s 50/50 whether I’ll manage to stay awake long enough to read anything! But on a normal evening I get to bed at about 9:30pm. If I’m lucky I’ll just read a couple of things and doze off. If I’m unlucky I’ll lie awake worrying. I’ve got a lot to worry about at the moment.

I totally understand you just wanting to wind down. I don’t think it’s problematic at all, it’s just how it is. If the other parent was around to share the load, you might have more energy left at the end of the day, and you might not have so much to do on your own in the mornings. But he isn’t, so you’re making the best of the situation, and conserving your energy so you can do all the essential things for you and your child.

You have to make sure you get enough rest (and if possible relaxation) to function properly, because apart from any other commitments you’ve got, you’re doing the childrearing work that’s more usually split between two adults. It’s a huge load, but it won’t be this way forever.

Do you mind me asking why you’re asking in the first place? Has anyone suggested you’re somehow not doing enough activities or something?

I met someone a little while ago and his routine is to go to bed very late. He only goes to bed at midnight maybe or even 1am.
When we saw each other I suggested watching tv in bed at around 9/9.30. I didn't say at the time but if we want to have time to be intimate then that's also good reason to be in bed early because I'm not going to feel like doing anything late because I'm tired.
He made a comment as I only arrived over at 7pm (I have very little external help so unusual to get much time) that it'd be nice if we got more than 2.5 hours together and I got quite defensive and said it's tricky because I need to sleep early as little one is up very early so I can't help but go to bed early if little one is up early. It's a routine that can't be helped. I then said that any person with kids generally will get to bed early and he then started listing people he knows who go to bed as late as 1.30am (couples) and have children.
The conversation just made me feel really inadequate and defensive and I guess that's why I wanted to see what other lone parents do and whether I am. He even made a joke about having a red bull so I stay up. When im at his I don't sleep at 9 which I do at home sometimes because I'm so knackered. I'll be ready to sleep by 11 but he will continue to watch tv / watch things on his phone until 1 and then that ends up keeping me up because of the noise or light and I can't help but feel a bit frustrated.
I then get up early because I naturally wake up early and it all feels very out of synch between us. I'm wondering how normal this is. In my mind, I don't see why he couldn't pull his routine earlier. His is a choice whereas mine isn't. The chat we had bothered me a lot and I couldn't sleep until 4am because I felt so sad about it all. When we discussed it he said he just wants to spend more time with me and it just made me feel really bad / inadequate

My child has just turned 3 and is sleeping at around 8.15/8.30, sometimes even later atm. I get all my chores done before bed because I used to work in the evenings once she was in bed for another few hours which was crippling and recently started trying to reduce my work and not work evenings (in addition to daytimes) because it was making me quite depressed and I felt the extra sleep / rest in bed even if doing admin etc on my phone really helped

I'm a lone parent, have been for nearly 3 years. Have 100% responsibility so always together. She's nearly 8 so her bedtime is 8.30/9 and I will always go to bed at the same time as her. Often watching TV shows, films, reading etc til about half 10. We get up about 7. Find it works for me, but I am not interested in dating anyone right now or since the breakup so no one to interfere with my routine or to make me consider whether it's right or not.
For what it's worth, my mum raised me alone and we had a similar routine for years, even after she met my step dad.

My dh works nights so I was alone with small DC and did exactly what you do. DC were up at 6 usually, and sometimes woke in the night, so I needed that 'quiet' time just reading or on my phone before sleeping.

Honestly 12 /1. I have a 1 and 3 year old and just can’t get the housework, admin etc. done around them (1 year old is at awkward stage where he constantly tries to kill himself!) plus have a full on job where I need to work some evenings. I’m exhausted though and don’t think I can keep it up much longer. If what you’re doing works for you it’s absolutely fine and sounds sustainable!

On school nights I’m usually in bed about 9:30 and then watch tv for a bit but school holidays are usually later. My oldest is 13 so he stays up later school holidays/weekends. Some nights I can go to bed while he’s still up. Mine are 5, 7, 11 and 13 so a few different bedtimes going on.
Before me and children’s dad split I would sometimes stay up later but don’t really see the point in sitting around on the sofa on my own when I can lay down and get comfy in bed instead.
In the winter it’s definitely the earlier the better.

I’ve never gone to bed that early, when I was lone parenting or since and I do think it quite odd, but different strokes for different folks.

When our last child left home DH and I often were in bed at 8pm if nothing on TV. Bliss! Sadly Covid lock down sent him home after 10 weeks!