Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

How is this the system??

10 replies

Anonymous995 · 25/08/2023 22:05

Abusive, narcissistic ex husband did something terrible a few years ago and was not allowed contact with the children. We had Cafcass involvement and 2 years of legal battles which included psychological risk assessments, therapy/courses to reform behaviour and a stepped progression to unsupervised contact. Those who know the ins and outs are baffled as to how he has full unsupervised contact (including the kids school) the whole process cost around £30k just for me in legal representation and probably more for him. We are 8 weeks into unsupervised contact and it’s all just going wrong again. To the point my dc1 made a disclosure to school (before summer so literally 3 weeks into unsupervised) who phoned through to social services whose advice was, CAO in place so they cannot help. 👀 does this mean he is just allowed to do whatever he wants to because he always gets to see them on the court ordered days?? Or do I now have to go back through the legal route to tell them they were all (obviously!!) absolutely wrong about the man and he quite clearly said and did things in the court arena just to tick the boxes and not because he was a changed man!!
the reason for the rant this evening is that dc2 has come home again absolutely crazy emotions everywhere and wetting themselves, which I have noticed them doing for 2 days after contact the last 3 times. Dc1 told me about some bullying from their dad towards dc2 which explains a lot about dc2 behaviour in return home. It makes me so sad but also so angry at the system. 😭

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 26/08/2023 12:47

I have no advice as I live in a different country, but it’s a disgrace that your children’s wellbeing and happiness is being sacrificed to satisfy such a nasty piece of work.
I am sorry this is happening to your children.

Whattodo112222 · 26/08/2023 12:50

Following with interest. In similar boat.

Anonymous995 · 27/08/2023 20:49

Sorry you’re going through similar @Whattodo112222 its so sad. I just want to phone the judge and be like what did you honestly think was going to happen?! Like life would just be perfect with their dad after everything he had done? Honestly it baffles me!

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 28/08/2023 17:35

What contact does he have now and what has he been doing?

Anonymous995 · 29/08/2023 20:48

Alternate weekends, supposedly his girlfriend has been approved to be the supervisor with some short periods of unsupervised for example taking the children to an activity like dance. It’s indescribable but he belittles them and humiliates them. He will say they don’t eat enough and force them to eat food they don’t like, and they aren’t fussy eaters, it’s a power thing. He got my son a hair cut (he’s on the pathway for ASD so it’s a traumatic event for him) and he absolutely scalped him and my son was distraught. I don’t want to comment on specific things he does but that’s the sort of things he would do.

OP posts:
Redpepperss · 30/08/2023 17:55

Personal I would stop contact and let him go through the courrs. To my knowledge a parent should make the child available to go to the other parents house however you don't force. When it gets to court I would explain the DC didn't want to go with him.

Anonymous995 · 31/08/2023 18:00

It does say mother to make children available this time this day on the court order so that is good advice. It’s a lives with mother spends time with father type order if you know what I mean. I don’t want to break any order but might speak to my solicitor from last time and see what she says. It was 2 years of hell and she not only knows all the ins and outs but understands the frustration the man causes.

OP posts:
TickingKey46 · 07/09/2023 21:02

You can stop contact even with a court order in place. You of course you have to have very good reason to do this and it has to be time sensitive.
I have stopped contact quite a few times but only for safeguarding reasons.

Whattodo112222 · 07/09/2023 22:08

TickingKey46 · 07/09/2023 21:02

You can stop contact even with a court order in place. You of course you have to have very good reason to do this and it has to be time sensitive.
I have stopped contact quite a few times but only for safeguarding reasons.

Did you not get punished?

TickingKey46 · 08/09/2023 13:26

No not at all. As long as it's for genuine reasons. The safety of a child comes first.

My ex was for ever breaking the court orders, even in court no one really cares. They just want the issue resolved.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page