Vicious ex mil

[Juststopamoment]

When my kids father died his parents took me to court for access. Huge back story which involves her protecting her son which in turn put my kids in danger and trying to alienate my kids from me from the age of 3.

My youngest has had trouble breathing for about a year and it turns out he has hayfever that triggers asthma. I don’t speak directly to ex mil because she has made various false allegations about me in the past that includes allegations of assault against her by me. She also fo

to continue: followed me and my children to school one day while being verbally abusive which meant I got a non molestation order against her.

I have been having long conversations with our intermediary who is her youngest son about my son’s hayfever/asthma and he had a big reaction to a place they went to (National park) which I told them about. They took him there again and I told them that if anything happened to him I would stop contact and they would have to take me to court.

She then proceeded to bad mouth me to the kids for 20 minutes. It’s in the court order that she can’t bad mouth me. She has also talked about her numerous miscarriages to them and the recent school massacres.

My kids found the whole tirade uncomfortable and they don’t want to see her now. My youngest is 12 in a few months.

My eldest I think had a moment of realisation that he now knows why I dislike her so much.

Can I stop access because of this and as a single parent with very little money can I do it without a solicitor?

Thanks.

At 12 i reckon the dc can decide for themselves. At 12 my ds went nc with his df.. Even with a court order.

I don't think at 12 any court is going to force a child to see grandparents they don't want to see. I just wouldn't send them.

I'm not a legal expert, but I would be willing to let this go to court at her expense.

Are you in the UK? In England a 12yo would be allowed to choose how much they see their parents even if it's zero contact.

Yep in the UK. I think she’s delusional and dangerous but she has her family around her who back her up so she looks credible to other people.

He’s not 12 until early next year. They have zoom calls with them as well and they don’t want to do any of it. Do I need to wait until he is 12?

A friend of mine recently had mediation with her ex husband (a piece of shit) as a last port of call before court. It included the mediators speaking to their 11 year old (over zoom) directly with their opinion on things. They then told him that their suggestion was that they doesn't see him, given the DC's feelings. If it had then gone to court that would have been used. He can be charming but the veil slipped with them, which would also have gone in their favour had it gone to court (it didn't).

I don't think at 11 the court would press them to go

I don’t want to have mediation with her. With her it’s about everyone believing her truth (which is never the truth) so she would be in her element. I refused mediation with her when they applied for access.

But if your children would be able to speak their minds? She wouldn't be in the room/zoom meeting while they did

I missed the nearly 12 but but he's at an age where his opinion means a lot.
When they took you to court for access did they get it through legal channels or did you grant it? Access for grandparents is unusual and only granted for unusual circumstances like you and your child lived with her for 5 years.
If we were talking about a parent then 12ish is when the child's opinion would be taken into account. It sounds like your son would be able to do that now and if XMIL took you to court he might even be 12 by then. I wouldn't hesitate to listen to my child and end the current arrangement. If she takes you to court then your son may have to make a statement (I don't know the process here) but it sounds like he has good reason.

@BoohooWoohoo I had to grant it because I had no more money to continue. They weren’t involved in their lives a lot. They live 4 hours away from us. It was a lot to do with their son dying and keeping in contact with the paternal family. Previous to them getting access they hadn’t seen the kids for at least 3 years. They are kept going on about the uncles (who are the only positive about the family) but they haven’t seen one since their dad’s funeral and occasionally on zoom and the other they’ve seen once. Neither of them make any effort to see them so they can’t really argue that now.

So if I understand right, you don't have to let her have contact. She'd have to go to court?

My xmil was furious with me that I wouldn't submit to her control so I really feel for you. It's just the gift that will not stop giving.

I would have been more than fair to her but she sought to control me, and control everything. No respect for the fact that I was the parent.

My daughter now twenty can't be bothered with her now which is kind of sad but this is what happens when you try to control people instead of just being yourself and hoping they want to see you. So much time has passed I could handle her now, and she's 79 so perhaps she would scare me less, we were near her house recently and I asked my dd if she'd like to see her. made it clear I would understand/support the detour. My daughter was adamant that she didn't want to see her. She asked me why I was raising it. Said that I didn't want her to have regrets later. DD understood that but said that she didn't want to be around people who were ''dragging her mother''

@xPaloma Yup. Same with me. Controls all her family members and wanted to do the same with me and I refused. As far as I can tell I will have to wait until the youngest is 12. It’s going to be awful for them having to see her again. They are dreading it already and the next contact is a zoom call and not for a few weeks.

@xPaloma we have very similar situations. No respect for me as a parent resonates with me alot.

i sent them an email saying that the children did not want to go on a zoom call with them and stated my above reasons saying that I will ask them about the next face to face visit closer to the time and they have sent me a 7 page email basically saying what the children said is mistaken and berating me. They are such horrendous people.

I’ve also shown my children the email and they are adamant they don’t want to see them at all anymore.

Imo just block them in every way. And get on with your lives...

@Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday The number of abusive emails I’m getting from them is unbelievable. They don’t believe that the children said any of those things to me and they don’t seem to believe my son has allergies or asthma. I really just need them out of our lives. They are appalling people. The problem is that they have a court order to see the children and I will have to break it as I don’t have the money to go to court. Single parents are battered in every way.