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Original poster

Feel like no one will ever want to date me as I have a child?

20 replies

Singlescaredmam · 24/08/2023 17:55

Honestly I’m so depressed. Me and child’s father separated when pregnant. I finally felt ready to date again after a long time. However whilst men I speak to think I’m attractive, and I’m a social person and good at speaking to people, they get turned off me when I tell them I have a child. I’m 30 and everyone says I look younger than I am, in good shape, take care of myself, intelligent etc. Child sees dad every weekend, so I’m not looking for a step dad or anything like that at all. Bur I just feel like I’m cursed and no decent man will ever want to date me now. I had to delete the dating apps as just felt so tearful this evening. Has anyone had any success dating and getting into a stable relationship as a single parent? I just feel so hopeless and depressed now.

OP posts:
Ilovegoldies · 24/08/2023 17:57

Have you been under a rock? Seriously. There are many people to whom having a child isn't an obstacle. I can't believe people still think this in 2023.

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 24/08/2023 17:58

You need to change your mindset op. Instead think is there a man good enough to allow into our lives..
My dh days he felt privileged to be allowed in our family!

mrssanchez · 24/08/2023 18:08

My most eligible bachelor friend has recent fallen for and proposed to a woman with two kids. Everyone is pretty surprised but it happens!

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 24/08/2023 18:15

I have 2 children, DH has none, and doesn't want any of his own. He is happy to raise children but doesn't care much if they are biologically his.

SIL has married a man with an adult child and for her the line was child had to be grown up already.

Every person is different in what they want and what they will compromise.

BananaSlug · 24/08/2023 18:17

You only have one child so I think you are being silly. I have 4 and been told I'm undateable now 🤣

Calling · 24/08/2023 18:25

Sometimes women need to be careful about men who are looking for a child and that is one way to get access, IYSWIM.

C1N1C · 24/08/2023 18:39

Calling · 24/08/2023 18:25

Sometimes women need to be careful about men who are looking for a child and that is one way to get access, IYSWIM.

True, but also not helpful here. That's basically saying don't date any men because this is a possibility!

This is why the mob mentality on MN bugs me... It's like there are people on here trying to make things difficult for others.

You'll get random posts where dad farts a lot for a laugh (for example) and he'll be tarnished with the 'vile', 'ick', sort of comments, and half of the forum will say LTB... Now you'll have broken down a family over something trivial, when yes, sad to say, dating prospects for a single mum are not exactly easy... but not impossible!

As to the OP's post, you're fine! There are so many single men out there, and you sound really genuine and lovely :)

Calling · 24/08/2023 19:13

@C1N1C the very first word that I used was 'sometimes' so there's no need for all that.
Anyway, I'm sure you will find someone nice.

NotTooOldPaul · 24/08/2023 19:22

I'm a man and am married but 20 years ago I was a man and divorced and frankly looking to meet someone new (I met my wife and am so pleased that we met). I dated a few ladies and to be totally honest it did not matter if they had a child or not. The person I was talking to mattered not their family or anything else.
I dated ladies with children and without. I always respected their boundaries; I did not ask to meet their children on the first or second date. I think most people like to keep part of their life private at first.
Having a child, or children, should not stop a decent man loving you.

BananaSun1989 · 24/08/2023 19:25

I met the most gorgeous, funny, clever man and we are getting married. He adores my child.
I think easier to meet offline as no awkward conversations.

Shopper727 · 24/08/2023 19:29

I have a lovely boyfriend and I have 4 kids
you do need to take your time and enjoy life it’ll happen when it’s right but don’t rite yourself off!!

Userengage · 24/08/2023 19:30

There are loads of men who will date and marry women with children. You just need to pick one you want to date and marry.

Fififafa · 24/08/2023 19:33

Well I met my now husband while I was a single mother of 2. I’d dated before I met him and hadn’t encountered any issues, but your attitude or outlook does makes the difference. I was comfortable in my own skin, didn’t want any more kids, had a job, car, house etc. Also my ex was a present dad so I wasn’t looking for a replacement father.
I didn’t want to date men who didn’t want to date women with kids, so it works both ways. Don’t sell yourself short.

blissfu · 24/08/2023 19:38

I know a multimillionaire, attractive, good family who has just married a great woman who came with two kids.

obviously, that’s an outlier. But I can also think of a handful more childless blokes who are married to or are in LTRs with single mums.

but in all these cases, the men got to know the woman IRL rather than apps- at bars or at work. So she was a person before she was a dating profile, if that makes sense. There are blokes who might not have ‘has kids’ on their checklist, but when they know the whole person it isn’t an issue. People are very picky online if they are looking to date properly.

Not saying the apps aren’t a goer though. It might be worth leaving it off your profile, going for a date and then letting them know before they proceed you have a DC. This is recommended for safety reasons anyway, so you have that to ‘back you up’. There are men who will target women with DC.

If you don’t like the idea of that- can you meet a bloke more organically when your child is at their dad’s? Nights out? A running club?

Cloverforever · 24/08/2023 19:43

Your way of thinking is very outdated now OP. I have 2 kids and it caused me no problem at all when online dating.

msemumma · 24/08/2023 19:47

Before meeting my now partner I always put a little note in my dating site bio to say I was a mum. That way I felt that anyone who was going to strike up a conversation with me already knew the deal.

CandyLeBonBon · 24/08/2023 19:57

My lovely oh loves me and accepts that my three (now teens/young adults) are part of the package. We've been together 5 years and once they're grown and gone we'll live together and share our lives.

CandyLeBonBon · 24/08/2023 19:59

CandyLeBonBon · 24/08/2023 19:57

My lovely oh loves me and accepts that my three (now teens/young adults) are part of the package. We've been together 5 years and once they're grown and gone we'll live together and share our lives.

Oh. And we met on Tinder

Ilikepinacoladass · 28/08/2023 07:58

Deffo be upfront on the apps about having a child. That should weed out most of the ones who are put off by it. I know what you mean though I also think it makes it harder to dating so many ways. To another single parent though they might see it as a plus!

LilacBird · 13/07/2024 18:21

I know I’m just now seeing this. But I was into a guy for awhile who was torn between me who had no children and another woman who was a few years older with two children. He ended up with her and gave her 2 more kids. Now they have 4 all together. So I think guys find women with children more attractive just my opinion.

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