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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Is it 'bad parenting' to stay in and do nothing a couple of times a week??

25 replies

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 13:50

Im a student and i have thurs and fridays off, while my DD is at the CMs she does lots of outdoor activities, also on the wkend i also have a day out planned for us both, but for the two days im off we tend to do nothing....DD plays with toys etc... i make our dinner come on MN

I cant help thinking im a pretty shit parent staying in and not doing anything particularly constructive

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MascaraOHara · 29/02/2008 13:52

I think that's fine.. what do you think you should be doing?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 29/02/2008 13:53

Not bad parenting, just chilling together is lovley

Original poster

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 13:54

Im not sure MOH, maybe taking her for a walk, baking etc?

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kerala · 29/02/2008 13:54

Outrageous - think I may call social services

Only joking - I think a couple of days in are beneficial. We (dd aged 19 months) and I race round town going to lots of activities and have recently purposely slowed it down so we have a day or so at home. I find I actually interact/play/read more with her more just at home rather than racing about. And its good for them to amuse themselves for abit and explore their surroundings without constant stimulation.

Bky · 29/02/2008 13:54

I do this with my DD too, some days we go out, some we stay in and play with toys, she helps with housework (loves having her own duster), she is happy to be played with or to play on her own. I never have the tv on during the day so don't tend to feel guilty about it. Also I am due to give birth again in under two weeks so at the moment am really not up for too much out and about activity and feel pleased with myself for just getting through the day at the moment.

Original poster

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 13:55

But why do i feel so guilty?? especially when we just sit n watch cbeebies part way thru the day

OP posts:

happystory · 29/02/2008 13:58

I think it's lovely to just 'be'. No plans, no schedule. I've had my loveliest times with the dcs at home on rainy days just mucking about.

And on a more serious note, children need to be able to amuse themselves, in order to foster a fertile imagination and be self-reliant.

Don't beat yourself up about it at all...

Original poster

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 13:59

I dont mean thats all we do, just falls into routine that we have beebies on for a while at some point in the day

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Original poster

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 14:00

Thanks HappyS

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MascaraOHara · 29/02/2008 14:02

I agree 100% with happystory

I love staying in with dd and having nothing planned.

Roobie · 29/02/2008 14:04

It's my day off today and ds is still in his pyjamas! I'll have to get him dressed in an hour to go and get dd though.
I only have one day off per week apart from weekends and rarely do anything constructive beyond mooching around the house - I love it.

madamez · 29/02/2008 14:07

Well it's what DS and I mostly do when at home. He goes to nursery 2 days a week, the other 3 weekdays we go to a P&T group in the morning (different one each day) then home for dinner, I do a bit of MN work online, then out to a park.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/02/2008 14:09

I feel guilty about this periodically too! then I remind myself how much fun I used to have at my gran's when I was little- and she just got on with her housework etc, while I pottered about "pretending"! I can't remember my mum spending every living minute of every day trying her hardest to "entertain" me either! But I do remember the special times, like when she taught me to play hopscotch, or helped me with a project. I sometimes think we lay on TOO much entertainment for our kids now, and don't let them learn to entertain themselves! (well, that's my excuse as I sit here with my coffee listening to dd2 playing schools with her dollies !!!)

Moomin · 29/02/2008 14:13

I think it's really really sad that you feel in any way guilty about this. Children need to learn that life isn't a never-ending carousel of entertainment laid on for their amusement and that being at home, generally pottering and a-doing is absolutely fine. You're doing the most constructuve thing in the world with her - being her mum.

I don't know whether I am particularly idel and/or slovenly or even arrofgant, but when I was at home a lot more, when the dds were smaller, we spent no end of days doing this. The only concession I used to make is to turn the TV off every so often and have music / the radio on or whatever. Sometimes I played with them and made things, but more often I didn't.

Both dds are very good at playing independently and with one another without adult supervision and seem happy healthy and non-counch-potatoey.

Moomin · 29/02/2008 14:14

lol at me being idel and arrofhgant ! der

Original poster

TidyTink · 29/02/2008 14:25

God im glad im not the only one!! im sat here now on MN while shes playing with Peppa Pig and i just thought that was rather selfish of me, i think its just when i hear of other mothers who have something planned for everyday of the wk and then i feel ashamed that i really dont!!

OP posts:

Mung · 29/02/2008 14:30

I think its important to be at home a bit and just do things together. Today I did the hoovering and the children just pottered about whilst I did it, helping at times and playing with other things at others. At the end of the day, its all time together, whether you are just doing mundane jobs or charging around. They both have their qualities and I know I need the days of 'nothing' to actually appreciate my DC a little more.

thirtysomething · 29/02/2008 14:33

If it's any consolation, ds and I used to do this a lot, then along came dd an she was so demanding that I found it easier to have a very structured life, we hardly had any days just chilling once ds was at school as she seemed to prefer organised activities and was hopeless at ever playing on her own. fast forward to age 7, she still demands a lot of entertainment whereas ds is very chilled and will happliy entertain himself. Am thinking I must have got it wrong and should have encouraged her to be more self-reliant at home. So the short answer is if your dd is happy to do this it's great as she'll be good at entertaining herself as she grows up and you'll get a chance to do jobs around the house.

Moomin · 29/02/2008 14:33

My mum died when I was 9 and my happiest memories of her aren't the holidays and days out, but the sitting on the floor in the kitchen asking her questions and listening to the radio while she did the ironing and stuff like that. So i think you're spot on, fwiw!

discoverlife · 29/02/2008 14:34

Boredom is good for kids, it teaches them to amuse themselves.

MascaraOHara · 29/02/2008 14:35

The best times for us me are those times where you just end up lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and chatting or just really chilled out messing about. My dd is 5 now and I hope when she's older she looks back and treaures those memories as much as I will.

I think there's always a balance with everything. Sometimes I just like to sit and listen to my dd singing or humming to herself whihle she tinkers around with some toy or other.

MascaraOHara · 29/02/2008 14:36

x-posts with Moomin

Scramble · 29/02/2008 23:18

I wish I had more eveings like that, there is only one weekday night they are both home with no activities, of course that is the night exH has them. I rarely get to just chill with them. It is just as important as organised activities. I like to do a nice easy dinner, watch soemt tc with them or chill while they paly on the PC or draw or whatever, its nice just having them there.

goingbonkers · 01/03/2008 21:56

I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with doing 'nothing'. There is no need to feel guilty. If my dd is playing happily, i take advantage and get some things around the house done. Then I make sure I go and play a game/do a jigsaw/draw etc. There is no need to plan activities, just do what you both fancy doing.

BroccoliSpears · 01/03/2008 22:06

I'm a bit rubbish at doing nothing so dd and I are pretty hectic Monday to Friday, either out or doing something at home, but dp and I were saying earlier how much she loves just chilling with him at the weekends. They don't really do anything much - they chat, watch a bit of telly, might build a den or wander to the shop for a paper. She is so relaxed. I think she really needs and benefits from a couple of days down time a week.

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