How do things work when a couple split - the practical stuff.

[Thinkingofsplitting]

Sorry to name change, but don't want DH finding any of this.

Relationship with DH is hopeless and has been for a long time.

I need to look into the practicalities of splitting up.

We have a DS (4).

What I need to know about are things like:

*benefits (as DS is not in school until Sept and I am currently a student anyway).

*custody/access re DS (what things are taken into account ?)

I am obviously struggling with the emotional side of all this as well, but need to get the practical side straight in my head first. If there is a chance of H getting joint custody of DS then I can't go through with it all anyway.

Am going out now to get DS from nursery, but will log back on as soon as I get back. TIA.

sorry about your situation, you might get income support, child tax credit and depending on your housing situation housing benefit and council tax benefit, although if you are uni things like grants will count as income and reduce your benefit, it will be assumed that you are the parent with care unless you have joint custody, its something that you will have to talk about when the time comes, and also the livinging arrangement if you have a joint mortgage.

We are in a privately rented house, 2 bed.

I don't want to stop H having access to DS or anything, no need, but he is not a good parent in many ways, so couldn't bear it if he got joint custody. Would be better off staying where I am so I can always be there to make up for where H fails.

I am not at uni. Am doing an access course over 2 years atm. Hope to go to uni after tho.

Thanks for your post.

I rent privately and have just applied for housing and council tax benefit. I get child and working tax credits with childcare element.

Access in our situation is dodgy, solicitors are involved on both sides and I'm denying him access at the moment due to welfare and safety concerns for DD

Just to add, I got divorced at 21 after 18 months of marriage but there were no children involved so my divorce process was quite simple.

Divorce is usually either unacceptable behaviour or adultery. It's not the nicest thing to go through, mine took 5 months for my decree absolute.

You say that if there is a chance of DH getting custody then you can't go through with it but you say the relationship is hopeless and has been for a long time. Don't stay with him for the sake of your DS. That's what I did (however I was in a violent relationship) and it just made me more miserable. If you know in your heart that it's over then you'll find the courage to do what you have to do

Hello Thinkingofsplitting, sorry to hear about your problem.

Maybe this will help:www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017552

You could always see that you get a free session with a lawyer to discuss things.

www.venables.co.uk/sitesf.htm