Maybe I'll feel better if I get it off my chest.
We met 3 years ago, I'd just split up with my husband whom I married at 19. I was going on a work night out with my new work mate and went to her house. There he was. Sat in the chair, staring at me like he'd never seen a female before. He was trying to top my drink up and chat me up but I wasn't having any of it. Thought he was cheeky, loud n to be honest, a chav due to the stripy jumper and big ring on his finger.
After a few drinks, I decided to find out more and got his number to text him. Something got me hooked. He was ok looking, a year younger. His mum had thrown him out so he was staying in his mates dads empty student house. After a few days of chatting he started to open up one night. Turned out his ex was pregnant and had dumped him. I felt sorry for him. Eventually we started seeing each other and became inseperable. He moved into a shared house and I began staying with him and eventually moved in with him. We made each other laugh, talked for hours, went out together. The fact that his ex was pregnant began to pray on my mind and stupidly one night I took her number from his phone and texted her. Gradually he began getting hassled by her family about seeing the baby when it was due. He made it clear he didn't want anything to do with her or the child. So, baby arrived and her brother texted about registering the birth, ex-p wasn't interested so wasn't named on the birth certificate. By now we'd moved into our own little rented flat and were working for the same company. CSA contacted him and I supported him through it and told him he could deny paternity and go through DNA testing. Those few weeks were hell until the letter came saying it wasn't his child. We celebrated for days, felt like we'd won the lottery.
By now he'd become a little controlling, just over little things like housework and socialising. We tried for a baby for a year and I finally fell pregnant. I had a very difficult pregnancy with morning sickness all the way through. He wasn't very understanding and had the occasional snappy moment.
We moved again into his house and DD arrived and we'd been together 2 years. One occasion when I was heavily pregnant he was shouting so much I shut myself in the nursery
When DD was 2 months old, it all started to go wrong. He claimed he was being bullied at work, started having terrible mood swings. I couldn't do anything right, I was exhausted all the time from looking after DD. I felt isolated from my friends. He eventually left his job and we lived off my maternity pay for a few weeks til he got a new job. By now I was having the odd doubt about him. I'd kept in touch with a few people from work during my maternity leave. One of whom was male. Ex-p knew him well due to working with him. I began talking to him about problems at home and we became good friends. Ex-p became suspicious of this and started asking questions but it was all innocent.
When DD was 5 months old I fell pregnant again and we agreed to have a termination. This was a really difficult time for me. The morning sickness had started and I received no support from ex at all so I turned to my friend who was there for me all the way. Ex began questioning if I was having an affair, going through my phone, following me where-ever I went in the house even to the toilet. We went on a night out with some friends and I pulled his mates girl to one side and asked if we could go off on our own for a drink so I could get stuff off my chest about the termination. She left me while she was chatting to some lads and my workmates were out and saw me so came to say hello. She walked off so I followed her back, mentioned that I'd seen my workmates and all hell broke loose. He was drunk and hurling abuse at me so I left and started walking home. He caught up with me and became aggressive and grabbed me by the arm hard. I struggled to get away and he carried on walking towards the house. My mum was babysitting and heard so came out as did neighbours. I rang for the police and was crying and shaking. Next thing he was stood in the street holding a kitchen knife to his throat. He then ran in the house, put it back and stood on the street. The police came he was locked up for the night and cautioned for assaulting me.
Stupidly I convinced myself that it was because he was drunk and a few days later he came back home. I was scared of him, his temper had changed and his was becoming more controlling. One night he was working a night shift and I was upset so my work mate came over. Somehow, ex knew. Said it was instinct. He began ringing me, asking me if i loved him and telling me to tell him. Feeling uncomfortable my work mate got up to leave until I heard my car skid outside. Ex was running between back and front doors, for some reason I thought I'd be able to keep him calm and let him in. He ended up assulting my work mate and dragged him outside into the street. My neighbour rang the police but ex ran off. Work mate drove home and spoke on the phone but he went on holiday the next day and after that we stopped contact.
Ex eventually saw sense and came back. I reassured him that there was nothing going on but he changed. I couldn't go out, not even to the shop on my own. I couldn't even pick my phone up, he was nasty and manipulative. He told his family and friends I was having an affair and I found myself apologising for something I hadn't done. The next month after arguing constantly, we split up for a week. I was going on a night out with my workmates and planned to enjoy myself and let my hair down. He went out with his workmates. Didn't hear from him all night, really enjoyed myself. Got home at 2.30am and had just got upstairs when I heard banging on my door. I knew it was him so went to the bathroom window and told him to go away he was shouting he loved me. Next thing he was kicking the back door in. I grabbed my phone to ring the police but he charged upstairs and grabbed me and grabbed my phone. Dragged me into the bedroom and pinned me down strangling me. Somehow I found the strength to scream but I couldn't fight him off. My neighbour came running round shouting so he got off and casually went downstairs and got a drink. He started acting like he didn't know what was going on. My neighbour took us to her house and put us in seperate rooms til the police came. All I heard was him saying I let him in, he didn't know why the door was kicked in. He was resisting arrest and they were going to spray him. I went back to the house at 4am but spent ages wondering round the back houses as he'd thrown my phone over the wall. I had to barricade my door with the fridge and didnt sleep. The police came to take my statement. I was in a lot of pain and bruises started appearing. He was released without charge in the afternoon and scene of crime officer never even turned up to photograph the door and my injuries. Luckily DD was staying with my mum that night.
I went to stay with my mum. I was a nervous wreck. I had a 5" bruise to my arm, pressure bruises from where he grabbed me, bruising to my legs and arms and a black eye. Eventually he started ringing me and he'd actually convinced himself that he hadn't done anything. By now I felt controlled, like I couldnt think for myself and I went back to him. Depressed, a nervous wreck, no confidence and weak. The emotional and mental abuse continued. I couldnt do anything right, I was useless yet I couldnt walk away. I ended up taking an overdose and when he finally realised what I'd done when I was half out of it on the bed he rang for an ambulance. I was signed off work sick for a month. My cry for help didn't work. It didn't stop. I honestly believe he knew what he was doing to me and carried on because it made him feel powerful and in control.
The arguing continued and got worse. He was slagging me off to his family, shouting and swearing at me in front of DD and my mum. I finally got the courage to throw him out last month and started seeing a lovely guy from work. He was at mine one evening watching TV when ex-p started banging on the door demanding his stuff. Rang police so he went. The guy I was seeing couldnt be bothered with the hassle, he knew what ex was like from also working with him and knowing what he'd done to me. Alone and single, I stupidly let him back into my life again.
The crunch came on valentines day. We didn't even bother with cards. He packed his case and went to bed. I picked him up from work the next day and he was belittling me and shouting so I pulled up and repeatedly told him to get out of the car but he just laughed. I started heading for his mums and he told me he was going to jump out of the car while I was driving and tell the police I pushed him out. DD was in her car seat. Panicking I pulled up. Told him to get out of the car again but he refused. I was upset and shaky. He was being abusive and laughing. He obviously knew what he was doing as whenever someone walked past, he pretended to be crying. I gave in, came home and gave him his stuff. Took DD and went to stay with my mum. He turned up wanting to talk but I refused so he declared it 'over'
His solicitor says we split on the 5th so thats when I'm calculating maintenance from as we agreed not to go through the CSA. He tells me the money is in a bank account but I can't have it. He went AWOL all weekend, nobody knew where he was, we assume he was out drinking and staying with friends.
He looks like butter wouldnt melt and he's gone from being sweet and loving, buying me romantic cards on special occasions to twisted, violent and bullying. I know deep down I'm well rid of him for mine and DDs sake but at the moment, I still feel controlled and gradually I'll learn that the only person who can control me, is me.